Sunday, September 30, 2012

Love Hate Love

No one can infuriate me like this man can.. my blood is boiling right now.. yet, I know with certaintly it is a little, very stupid, misunderstanding.. I want to say "arguement" but it really isn't..

But his reaction has sent me in a tizzy.. I am fuming.. I want to curse him out so badly.. I want to pound on his face actually.. ha! It's the Italian Jersey girl in me..

He is up in PA doing some side tile job with my brother.. and sends me a text that says

"Tell ayd i love em. Miss u guys. I looove u :)"

Like um just tell "ayd" you love him.. not Ethan?!?!?! (Gavin slept out)..

Something so stupid, right?!?!? Well he got ticked at me for saying something.. he writes back "of course I meant Eth too." (mmm hrmm)

I'm not saying he doesn't love Ethan!! I'm just saying what father WRITES tell one son I love him.. who does that??

Well, apparently I insulted him (I'm sure he took it as I was calling him a bad dad.. and in a small way I guess I was.)

So do you know what he says at the end.. that mother effer writes:

"I'll deal with you when I get home."

OH MY WORD!!!! No he didn't!!! Who the fuck does he think he is talking to?!?!?! Oh yeah, I'm furious.. I know I know it's my ego.. but Lord help me not kill him.. Lord help me forgive.. Lord?? Herlow?? Did we get disconnected???

Nicole, it's me Satan.. you are sooo right!!! He had no right to talk to you that way!! Get him girl! Show him what's what!! You do everything, he does nothing! lol

Breathe Nicole.. breathe.. he's grumpy he's at work.. he thinks you told the boys daddy only loves you Ayden (I would never of course.. but he may think that)

Do I call or text an apology???? But for what??? What did IIIIIIIII doooo??? He's wrong. I'm right..

But okay okay.. Jesus floods me with forgiveness.. I will return the favor.. I guess..

But first.. I'll lighten the mood.. or attempt to.. he's just as furious.. I'll text him:

"I forgive you." hehehe

Whew.. glad that's over..

Monday, September 24, 2012

What a freakin day...

Dr. Oz said chew your food slowly today.. do you ever feel like all you process all day is information you already knew??

My day started off at 6:45am when my cell phone rang..

Me in a super groggy voice: "Hello?"
Little girl voice on other end: "Hello?"

Click.. we're disconnected..
Ring ring.. grrrr..

Me: "Hello?!"
Her: "Is Gavin there?" (my 13 yo - who has his own cell phone!)
M: Who is this?
H: Gavin's friend Nicole.
M: Well, this is Gavin's mother Nicole. Do not EVER call this number again. This is my cell phone. It is friggen 6:45 in the morning!

Silence and then we both hang up..

I thought it was a weekend and the stalker was really off her rocker.. but she was just calling because they walk to school together.. but still!! Gavin forgot his phone one day and called me on the way home using her cell to let me know he was on his way. Apparently she stored the number. And since Gavin wasn't responding to her texts on his cell.. she tried mine.. What is wrong with kids.. but let me not go any further about that..

Moving on.. I hit some guys mirror with my truck's mirror after dropping the two little ones to school.. tight road, thought I could make it.. wrong!! My mirror collapsed in, but his was metal.. a small work truck.. so I figured, no harm done.. and kept driving.. then about a block away I thought.. what if this guy called the cops and I get a hit a run.. so I pulled over.. he just laughed and told me no harm done.. Thank God!

Drive the twenty minutes to work.. grab my bag in the back.. and there it is.. Ayden's paper with his lines for the upcoming play.. awesome! Mind you this is the same piece of paper we couldn't find this morning and I dug through the trash, not once but twice to find.. where was it you ask? In the bathroom - right where he left it! grrr..

Yep.. had to drive back and give it to him because the only reason it was in the back seat was because he did me a favor and buckled up little man for me..

Needless to say I am spent!

And this whole low carb shit is for the birds.. I want something other than meat and cheese damnit! but the scale is moving and my tummy is looking almost as good as the old bitty with fake boobs who was in my Body Pump class on Sunday.. doncha hate older chicks who (A) have fake boobs, (B) wear full make up to the gym and (C) wear skimpy clothes.. I mean it's bad enough on a young chick.. but older women look pathetic trying to compete with the 20 somethings.. they always win.. they're 20!!!

And besides.. age is sexy.. embrace it.. be the older chick who still goes to the gym with a rockin bod.. we can see it through form fitted clothes.. no need to be popping out in that string tank top that shows your belly girlfriend..

Day 3 was a success.. but don't ask me why or how.. all I know is when I set caloric limits I fail.. majorly!! But this whole stay under a certain # of carbs (past 3 days has been 50g) and I am able to..

But I hate it.. and it's not sustainable.. at all.. most people gain all the weight back.. must must must reenter carbs slowly and never again can I consume them like I was doing.. no more 4 slices of pizza.. sigh.. must be one with a salad and fruit.. or maybe 2 if it's within my calories.. idfk.. I'm hungry = cranky..

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Low Carb Meals

I am not a fan of cooking.. I have "cooked" dinner maybe 25 times in the past 4 months.. that averages about 6x a month.. yep, sounds about right..

My mother raised me on meat, mashed potatoes and a veggie.. and the veggies were sad.. canned corn, peas, string beans.. and then frozen broccoli and spinach..

I've eaten more mashed potatoes than any human should and I stopped eating them as soon as I left the coop at 18..

When the occasion arises that I do cook.. 99% of the time it involves a tortilla wrap: fajitas, burritos, tacos, enchiladas.. or my own little creation..

After gaining some weight and working my tail off at the gym to no avail.. I decided to kick my cupcake, candy and cereal diet.. As much I love love love my carbs.. I am doing the low carb thing..

Today is day 2 and here's what I've learned so far.. you can't guzzle down noncarb foods like you can with carbs.. it's a process to make the salad, or cook an omlet, or fry some bacon..

The process of preparing food does something to me.. I can't really explain it other than to say it seems to calm the animal within..

Normally I shovel cake or cereal so fast that I am not even close to being full.. toast w/ PB is another fave.. but with meats and cheeses.. you don't want to do that.. it's just not as satisfying in large amounts..

But, I am tons fuller on smaller portions.. the meat & cheeses are like bricks in my belly.. I couldn't eat a cupcake even if I wanted to! Well, okay maybe I could.. but the urge certainly isn't there.

I'm still not a fan and really miss my best friend carbs.. but I just keep reminding myself it's temporary.. once I get to where I wanna be.. I will slowly readjust my eating to where I can eat carbs in moderation..

Until then, I need meal ideas that are crazy easy and I can't find any.

Bacon and eggs are great for breakfast.. cheese is a good snack.. salad w/ turkey & swiss seems like an okay lunch, but kinda grossed me out yesterday.. and for dinner (and lunch today) I made chicken, cheese & salsa.. mmm

Throw the chicken in at 350* for 10 mins..
Take out, add salsa and put back in for 10 mins..
Take out, add cheese and it goes in for another 10 mins..

Super simple, one pan.. easy peasy.. my kind of recipe.. my brother taught me that years ago.. but aside from that I got nutten.. : /

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Weight Loss Tips 1 & 2

Dear Self,

Cut your food into smaller pieces.. I know I know.. the urge to guzzle and shove your food in your mouth with such force you almost choke to death is tempting.. but trust me.. you will eat far less and feel so much calmer and happier and lighter..

Chill out homegirl.. ain't no one around ganna steal your food.. I mean, no one's even home with you.. it's all yours.. you don't win a medal for eating 5 bowls of Honey Combs in one day.. otherwise you'd have several medals... all you get is Ayden saying "You bought Honey Combs?!" to which you must reply "Yeah, but they're almost gone. Sorry." and then you see him sorta dumbfounded at how they could be all gone if they weren't even in there before he left for school.

Yeah so um.. tip #1.. cut small pieces..

Tip #2 kinda piggy backs on tip #1.. eat slowly.. like ridiculously slowly.. We all know you are a champ at inhaling insanely high cal foods in mere minutes.. 

But if you cut small pieces and chew slowly.. you will never enter into that gorging phase.. that comes only with the shoveling.. not with the calmness of chillaxing while you eat..

So there you go girlfriend.. try it out sometime eh?

Does it matter that my example for cutting food is a bowl of Honey Combs?? LOL

All logic not welcomed here.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Letting Go

Nine four twelve at eight am

My final bout with my dear old friend

I let him go; rather I broke free

Never again shall he entrap thee

Courage & love & health I shall seek

In God & in Spirit when I feel too weak

I will build up resistance & persevere

Using prayer as my pill from unknown fear