Monday, February 20, 2012

Pinnacle of Poor Eating

Have you ever joked about something.. to mask an insecurity?? Today, while mindlessly doing that, I was kind of shocked into reality. I have a tendency to not eat until the afternoon, at which time I gorge eat about 1,000 to 1,500 calories (sometimes more) in one sitting.. I stuff myself to the gills then pretty much don't eat until way late at night and then consume 500 - 1,000 more calories. I hardly cook dinner because I am so stuffed by then and I obviously have no appetite.. so I usually just whip up something quick and easy for the kids. Frank is a complete enable of all this because he prefers to not eat much after 3 or 4pm. The fact that the boys prefer mac and cheese or chicken nuggets doesn't help either.

So um, yeah, anyways... that's my eating pattern 9 times out of 10. Well, one of my employers is a health nut and he always comments on how I don't ever bring anything to eat to work - I work from 8:30am - 1:30pm for him two days a week. I told him I am a binger and that I like to give my body a break in the mornings. So lately, he's been on my case, offering me food, or asking what I ate the day before.

Today, he offered me these super yummy crackers that he knows I love. I politely declined. He made a joke and I told him how I just had 5 slices of Dominos pizza before coming in (I was babysitting that morning so I didn't go in until 3:30pm)

His reaction was scary. He looked disgusted and shocked. Disgusted because Dominos is complete crap to him (he is Mr. oatmeal, organic fruit, and protein shakes.. did I mention he is 72?!?!) and shocked that my little body can down such large portions of food.

He said "You should enter that hotdog eating contest!" and I busted out laughing.. and he looked at me with such a serious face and said "I bet you'd win."

But he wasn't busting my chops at that point. He was really, truly, genuinely surprised that I would do that to my body. I kinda feel like crap because of it. I know that it isn't healthy. I know that it's actually quite unhealthy. I'm overloading my body with low quality, nutrient deficient crap and way too much of it at one time. Not cool.

I woke up today and my face didn't look right. My eyes were oddly swollen. I just chucked it up to it being morning and age. Well, I didn't look into the mirror again until bed time and my eyes were just as swollen if not worse! There went my morning theory. It literally happened overnight. Then as I was looking in the mirror I realized my cheeks and chin looked a bit off too. My cheeks were swollen as well and my chin had 10 little red spots. Not pimples, but sort of like them. I mean they could have been, but no heads and I can't feel them, but little red dots.

So depressing. I concluded it's probably because of salt. I use tons of salt. People who think they use a lot of salt always comment on my salt intake. "Wow Nicole. I like salt, but damn girl."

I always thought since I drank a few cups of water every day I was flushing it all out. Genius I know.

Did I mention after my 5 slices of Dominos for lunch, I then had a brownie with a scoop of ice cream on top, and the remaining 3 slices of my pie (that's pizza pie for all the non Jersians) for dinner. Oh and an orange. That's what I ate today. A whole freaking pie, a brownie with ice cream, and an orange.*rolls eyes*

And then to top off my shitastic day, I got on the scale.. don't ask.

Let's just say it's time to change my shit up. My poor organs need a break. Seriously. I am going to do a detox cleanse. I don't care what my mother or anyone else thinks. Call it starving; call it stupid. My body can use a vacation and that is what I'm giving it. Not sure of all the details, though I have a pretty good idea of what I'll do and for how long. I obviously can't go running on empty, so either I'll skip it or eat something light on those days. We'll see...

But yeah, today is the pinnacle.

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