Wednesday, April 20, 2011

MORTIFIED!!

I'm mortified

As is the non pregnant woman/girl who I said "I love pregnant women. How far along are you?" to

It happened at work.. so I couldn't even leave... sooo embarrassing.. =(

THEN.. as if that weren't bad enough..

My boss gives me $ and says "There's a tip."

And I thought it was a $20 tip.. so I said "Wow. A big one!"

Trying to show my appreciate and being thankful...

Then on the way home I redid the calculations in my head..

and it was only a $5 tip.. so my response was probably viewed as being sarcastic!!!!!!

Ughhh.. really?!?!?!

So I did what any emotional eater would do..

Ate two bagels.. annnnnd a bowl of cereal..

Not a very good day for me.. LOL

But.. I am definitely laughing out loud.. literally.. about it.. because..

It's friggen hysterical..

Or at least it will be..

In the future..

*rolls eyes*

Monday, April 18, 2011

School - Mine & Gavin's

I'm on a mission to get my very very very last semester of school ovah and done with! I have 6 more assignments.. if I do 2 a day for 3 non-consecutive days.. I will be DONE as in never taking another class ever again for as long as I shall LIVE Thursday April 24th.

Pretty Amaaaaazing!!!!!!!

So glad I was able to go to school instead of work for the past several years.. So glad that I didn't stand up for myself back in 1997 when the soldier who was helping me fill out my enlistment forms told me that I DID in fact want to enroll in the Montgomery GI Bill even though I had just got done telling him I didn't!

I ended up paying $100 out of my pay for the first 12 months of my enlistment.. and in return the Army paid for my tuition, books, and gave me hundreds of dollars each month for the past 7 years. Had it not been for that program my children would be in after school programs while both their mama and papa worked their tushies off.

I would have never realized that it IS possible to have just one income.. I would have been in the mindset of "Well, my mother worked full time and we ended up fine." That day, at that man's desk.. changed my life and my kids lives forever. I remember being pissed off that I didn't stand up for myself and that it was such a waste of $1200!! I thought "I'm going to stay in the Army forever." and had that been the case I would have gotten a free education anyways.

But shit came up and I got out.. and therefore was no longer entitled to go to school for free. I wonder if soldiers are still able to take free classes.. the program I was enrolled in (Montgomery GI Bill) just recently changed.. it hasn't been enforced yet, but it will be in a few months.. I am so fortunate that it didn't go into effect while I was enrolled - it lessens the money received by Veterans.

Anywho.. that's my long saga about my education that I was forced to get. ha! I'm sure my dad is proud though. Education was high on his priority list.

Man, you'd think I was talking about my Masters.. hahaha.. I took me this long (7 years.. on and off.. mostly on!) to get my Associates!! But it's mine and I earned it.. while being a mother.. sometimes a full time employed mother might I add.. ;)

Ok enough about that..

In other news.. I have decided to ease up on Gavin's grades.. I had always expected straight As.. then as he went to school I realized it's impossible to be anything but thrilled when they bring home Bs too..

Cs ah not so much.. Ds and I start screaming.. Fs and I start hitting!

Buuuuut it's been years now that Gavin has been erratic with his grades.. one marking period he's on the honor roll.. and the next he's got 2 Ds..

He has never been interested in school.. and I'm guessing he never will. But I very recently stopped that from being the sole representative of who he is in my eyes. He has SO MANY wonderful qualities that I can't just let his academics determine who he is. I know plenty of children his age and he is by far the best. hahha.. biased? Maybe.. but ask my friends and even associates and they just gush at how polite he is, and responsible (except for school ;) he's kind, generous, and my best friend..

I, by nature (thanks Dad) put education high up my list.. so I did tell him I'll give him $100 if he brings me home straight As - which IS totally possible (so says me, him, and all his teachers) if he tried hard enough.. he's just lazy uninterested..

But wow.. are you reading this at sonic speed?? Cause that's how I'm thinking, typing, reading it..

Gained a few lbs this weekend.. oink oink.. I ate like a piggy.. cake more cake dinner with the girls.. drinks with the girls.. cupcakes.. yeesh.. my poor organs.. trying to detox today.. totally craving a ginormous Salad Works salad.. which btw they deliver!

Until my next rambling...

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Palm Sunday Thoughts

Yesterday was my mother's birthday.. she came up for a visit and when the baby saw her present he got a little jealous ticked..

Pouty face, arms crossed, huffing and puffing "Hrmph!" on the bathroom floor.

What's the matterrrrr??

Is Nanny's birfday and not mine! Hmph!

Aww, it's your birthday too!

You want us to sing to you? Still pouty, but definitely getting happier he says yes. So we do. Then he tells us to sing Happy Birthday to Nanny, and Ayden, and "the cup" that was sitting on the end table. ha!

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So last night nothing was on TV, then my mother and I remembered that there was a cute Candace Cameron Bure movie premiering on Fox "To Tell the Truth" I think it's called..

Well, we couldn't remember the name, so I googled her, found her website, and knew she'd be advertising it, which she was, so we put it on..

As I'm on her website I see she has a new book called "Reshaping it All" I was this close to running out to Barnes & Noble to get it.. had it not been pouring and her birthday I would have..

But I did the next best thing and read the comments of the people who purchased it instead..

Somewhere in the flood of reviews I saw that someone brought up her stance on Yoga, and I had no idea, but some religious folks believe that Yoga is of the devil!

Isn't that odd?

I woke up at 4:44am this morning and after spending lots of time talking to the Lord I came down here and googled that whole theory.. You should have seen all the people who got their panties in a bunch about how yoga is evil and God condemns it and we are ignorant for taking on Hinduism beliefs.. yada yada yada

And yet again.. I am so turned off by offensive folks claiming to be a better follower of Christ than my yoga loving, church skipping self..

Another, and probably most prominent (for me), person who speaks very similar to these people is Candace's brother Cameron.. he really had me thinking a while back..

He speaks of God being so.. well, evil.

And Cameron is a rooty tooty full fledged follower.. He reads (the Bible) before he feeds (his body) every morning.. there's another cute rhyme he follows.. but I forget it..

On his website he says that if you believe God loves you no matter what and that if you are a good person at heart you're okay.. that you are delusional and that "your (meaning mine) God is a figment of your imagination."

How friggen insulting right?!?!

Totally crazy to me that people who supposedly follow Jesus with every ounce of their being are the rudest people who judge like only Jesus should!! There was one comment (about the yoga) that resonated with me.. she (well, I guess it could have been a male) said that we should live life being kind and loving to others.. let God judge.. and that we should enjoy our life on earth because it is a gift from God.. it was actually quite long and well written.. I am forgetting 90% of it.. but it wasn't just a hippy free spirit thing.. It was genuinely a great way to live. Love God, love yourself, love others.. stop judging.. don't be obsessed with yoga or food or anything.. but enjoying those things seem harmless enough and I agree with her..

she (he) also counters the folks who say only those that read and live by the Bible will make it into heaven by asking about the illiterate folks - who she claims (and I am likely to agree) make up the majority of the world! Or the people who, by default of being born in certain locations, don't know of the Bible.. all those folks are doomed by no fault of their own? Come on now..

I am not a reader of the Bible, let alone a studier of it.. but is it the belief of many that God or Jesus actually wrote the Bible?? or is it commonly accepted that His followers (mere humans) wrote it. Because one word pops into my head - interpretation!

That's how people follow the Word is it not? By interpreting it. That's what Joyce Meyers does on her show (lover her!!) and so it would make sense that those who wrote it, gave their opinion as well. (ie standards/roles of women thousands of years ago that no longer fit in to societies standards.. or sacrifices being preformed)

So, if I go to hell because I didn't read the Bible enough, so be it. I won't read it just to ensure my spot. I won't read it unless I have the desire to. And sometimes I get that urge, and I open it up. But it isn't often and it never resonates with me.

But talking to God all day long every day is something I crave!!!!! and love. When I'm driving, when I'm peeing, in bed, when I look at my children, when my husband comforts me. It's all Jesus extending His love from above to me on this earthly place.

I believe with all my heart and soul that God loves everyone who truly loves Him and lives a life that makes God proud. Not perfect, no one is. But living in a way that follows God's desire.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Boys & Blue Nail Polish

I read an article the other day about how an exec at J. Crew painted her son's toenails hot pink.. I initially thought "Good for them!" for having a fun moment.. don't we all paint our son's toenails in the privacy of our home? oh you don't? Well, I do!

But I don't know that I would brag about it because I'm fairly certain that there are plenty of people who would disagree and make me feel like a bad mom.. Which is exactly what happened to this poor woman.. except these strangers took their opinions to an insanely disrespectful and almost psychotic manner.. so many folks were sooo mean and hurtful.. it was too much for me to read the comments after the first few. I flagged quite a few though.. I mean disgusting what those people were writing.

I used to be adamantly against gay rights.. I had a few friends in high school who were "Bi" just because it was cool.. it turned me off to having any respect for homosexuals because to me they were just looking for attention.. But after reading and hearing about so many wonderful people who happen to be gay, I am in no position to judge or deny them anything.

Personally still not a fan of flamboyants, but that applies to gay and straight.. And actually I used to tell Gavin, actually taught my son to dislike gays. I have reversed that position and explained how wrong I was. And that there are plenty of generous, kind, loving people who happen to be gay.

Most blogs I read.. are written by women who are not embarrassed to speak of Jesus.. I am not as free with my writing nor with my mouth.. I don't think it's embarrassment as much as it's the fact that everyone I know IRL doesn't feel the way I feel and they mock my beliefs.. not trying to be cruel.. they just don't understand how I could believe in God and love Him so much.. they were never taught about him.. never.. it's how life is where I am from.

I actually became so close to Him because of the blogs I read. It opened my eyes to how it should be!

I wonder what those women think of homosexuality. I'd guess that they are against it because the Bibles says so (not that I've ever read that it says that) but I've heard an interview one time from a Christian woman who studied the Bible in college.. and she said that it says something like.. Lay down with another man, and he shall go to hell.. but she also said that the Bible says the same exact thing about eating shell fish.. that you'll go to hell..

This article opened my eyes even further to who I want to be. I want to be a non judger.. sometimes I make myself go out in public without my wedding band on with kids in tow.. because I am always looking to see if a woman with children is married.. and if she isn't wearing a ring (which doesn't even mean she's not married) I judge her.

How disgusting of me. As if my wedding band means I'm any better. Puh lease! She could be a calm mother who spends much more quality time with her children than I do.

And just because someone is in love with the same sex.. doesn't mean I am any better. They can pray a million times more than me (yes, they do that!) and be kinder to strangers and donate more money and their time than I do..

Lady GaGa has a song where she says something about God loving the gays.. and it's so wonderful that they don't say to themselves "Oh I'm gay, God doesn't love me, so I don't love Him either!" and take that route.. which would be easy for them to do..

No, they say screw that section of the Bible, GOD DOES LOVE ME! AND I LOVE HIM! I know I say screw certain sections of the Bible.. some of it is a bit freaky. But that doesn't take one iota away from me loving the Lord.

All that to say I painted Ethan's and Ayden's toes blue yesterday ; ) and for the record Frank (mr macho man) laughed about it.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Jumbalaya.. as always

Frank and I had such a weird past few weeks.. taken our love for granted most likely.. I think it's officially behind us.. but it just reinforces the fact that marriage is something you must work for.. so many people assume that a happy marriage is something they are entitled to.. but no one is "entitled" to another person..

Frank's main issue has always been respect.. My main issue is appreciation.. and we usually mesh quite well with one another but lately.. he's been so focused on himself (tattoos, working out, work) and not giving me enough attention (texts, hugs, kisses, winks) which then makes me feel unappreciated.. and mad at him for rejecting me (that's how I perceive it) so then I don't respect him (as in I don't really care what you have to say Frank.. since you don't care about me.. I'm now going to be rude and walk away while you're talking) and that's been our life for the past few weeks..

But it's all nonsense.. I am not going to let my happy marriage be taken away from me because I am too proud to be kind to someone who doesn't necessarily deserve it.. So, I let it all go. Again.

Well, I let most of it go and am truly working on the rest.. ; ) meaning.. I was nice to him this morning.. but in my mind I was irritated that I had to be nice.. but whatever.. I'm a definite believer of fake it till you make it!

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I've been on a 40 day challenge for the past 6 days.. http://www.40day.com/ 40 days of no cursing, no getting angry, no gossiping, no being a glutton.. etc..

I have not been perfect, but I have been pretty good.. and I will be even better
today and tomorrow and the next day!

Except for that whole Frank thing.. Evil definitely won that battle.. but we made up and maybe it'll make us appreciate the wonderful times to come that much more.

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I let Gavin off punishment.. even though his grades were crap: B, C, D, D.. But both those Ds were Cs a week before report cards, but he didn't do a hmwk assignment in each class and those zeros dropped his average down to a D. One D is one point away from a C the other is atrocious.. but he's just been punished for so long.. I thought let's give him a taste of freedom and maybe that'll motivate him to keep it! *fingers crossed*

He's doing great though.. always does what I ask without one single gripe.. love that kid!

Ayden
turned 7 on Friday.. we had a bunch of friends over on Saturday.. he was so happy. We usually do partys at party places.. I've never had one at my house.. but it was so much better! I loved it!

Next year we'll stick to family friends though.. We only had one child who wasn't a family friend and he ended up running out my front door!!!!!!!! I chased him and then he wouldn't come back in. I yelled at him. lol I don't play around.. running out the front door. yeesh!

Plus he ran up to my back gate and kicked it and broke it.. yeah, family friends next year. lol

Ethan is loving this beautiful day.. my front door is open and all the windows.. he's saying "HI GUYS!!" to two teenage boys (who I guess are playing hooky) walking by.. soo cute!

Well, I could ramble on for days right now.. but I'll go stop Ethan from trying to... dang it! I was too late!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Pure Contentment & John Edwards

It's morning.. which (for me) means:


I physically feel God's presence in my soul..


I have pure contentment flowing thru every cell..


Thoughts are slightly noticed..


I can sit and relax.. almost as though meditating..


This is the feeling I have almost every morning..


I don't know at what point reality sets in

and my life is filled with everyday stresses and negative emotions..


I never really thought about that threshold..


But today I am going to focus on when and why this nirvana


fades into reality..


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This morning's particular thought:


Do you think John Edwards


takes the feelings in the pit of his stomach


and doesn't overanalyze why or what is causing them


but just goes with instinct


as to what they are and who is causing him to have them??


What I mean is I have a physical weirdness in my tummy right now. I can tell myself it's nerves because of a few specific reasons, I could tell myself it's hunger pangs, I could brush away this feeling in my soul as being caused by anything that everyone else experiences.


Orrrrr, I could not consciously think about it and let my subconscious wonder and return with any number of outrageous causes. Such as, it's my dead father saying good morning, or it's God reminding me to pray, or it's a random spirit telling me whatever.


That's my theory on him.. he doesn't overanalyze and let's the first crazy-as-it-seems idea take control over his vocals and expresses whatever it is that came to him.