Saturday, February 26, 2011

Feeling Blah

Pardon the Bi-Polar-ness of my mind.. I've been "diagnosed" by my father (truck driver NOT dr.. and a captain I had in the Army.. no wait.. he thought I had Grave's disease.. however you spell it.. and he wasn't a dr either) um, so yeah.. ha!

I am a complete mess lately right now.. I had a few really good weeks.. I was chill.. not pigging out all day every day.. I wasn't getting bothered by the normal things that kids do.. it was so nice!! Then two weeks ago I just fell back into my old ways.. eating like I wasn't going to see food ever again.. screaming at the kids like an absolute lunatic.. I gave them all spankings instead of taking things away or giving them chores like I'd much rather.. then because of these actions I am drowning in guilt and failure-ness..

It totally sucks ass..

I need a mind, body, and soul detox.. I really do.

Playroom Tears & Under Armor Mishaps

Frank was supposed to get a tattoo worked on today.. and the guy cancelled..

I was supposed to go to dinner with some friends.. and it just got cancelled too..

Which means.. Frank's a bit richer.. and I don't have to get dressed today ; )

Frank took Ayden to Marshalls to get him some new kicks.. and maybe some Under Armor if they have some on clearance.. speaking of.. Frank ordered himself an UA shirt off ebay and after 10 days it finally came.. except instead of being a Lg mens shirt.. it was a Sm womans shorts.. haha.. Later on in the day I was like "Soooo whatcha gettin me for my birthday?" (march 8th) and he goes "Under Armor." as if that was my present.. ha! Reminds me of the Simpsons when Homer bought Marge a bowling ball that said Homer on it.. or was that The Flintstones?!?!? maybe it was both..

Guess I should get off my butt and straighten up.. and do laundry.. went to the gym this morning.. Ethan wouldn't let me leave him last Thursday so I missed spin class.. so I figured I'd take him this morning when I didn't have a class to miss to see how he did after all my pep talks about being a good boy and letting mama go to the gym and bribing him with chocolate covered marshmallows for breakfast blah blah blah..

he cried.. but after we played and did a puzzle I said I'd be right back and left.. I watched him from the TV upstairs until he stopped crying a few minutes later..

I ran 20 minutes on the tread.. 7.0 speed for 1.5 miles.. then 5 incline for a lap.. then sprinted at a 9 for the last 1/4 lap..

Monday, February 21, 2011

Morning cleanses my soul... I truly, whole-heartedly LOVE what morning does for me.. especially when I set my alarm so I can wake up before the boys and enjoy dark silence.. no lights on.. no tvs.. no.. nothing.. it is bliss...

I feel rejuvenated.. like I can do anything.. like I could be whoever I want to be.. and I can! That's the best part.. I could make today the day that I stop being so impatient.. and controlling.. and lazy.. or I could make today be the day that I choose to not walk in God's shadow and instead do things that I am certain will make me feel sad.. and guilty..

Morning is my fork in the road.. and today I choose to put my ALL into following God's way.


On a completely different note.. I have to catch up on a few stories I want to always remember.. and putting them off until "tomorrow" is not what I plan to do.. again..

St. Valentine's Day was wonderful.. no fancy dinner.. just extra special lovings.. and poems.. and ridiculously overpriced fruit..

I have straight up told hinted at Frank to buy me an Edible Delights fruit in the shape of flowers thingamajig for years now quite some time.. and he hasn't ever gotten me it.. so when he asked me this year "What do you want for Valentine's Day?" I told him exactly what I wanted.
And he got me it.. even thought it was $ 120.00 astronomically overpriced.. We were dying laughing over the insaneness of it all as the five of us chowed down on it.. I started breaking it all down aloud, but Frank's stomach couldn't handle it.. LOL..

Here's what I figure was included:

1 melon, 1 cantaloupe, 2 bananas, 1/2 pineapple, 25 grapes, and 1 apple

I could get that and the chocolate for a 6th of what he paid.. *sigh* Never again.. thank you Frank for thinking I'm worth it.. and thank you for making me no longer ever want that again.

$7.00 daisies at the grocery store and cream filled chocolates suit me JUST FINE!!



Ask demand and throw a fit for pasta at 7am and ye shall receive.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Time to Revamp the Soul

My house is a mess
I should clean it up
I'd feel so much better
Ate like a pig today
Went food shopping on an empty tummy
Caved to candy at the register
And ate even more when I got home
I NEED a detox
I need motivation
I need will power
I need to pray more
I need to meditate more
Been going to spin class couple of times of week
Makes me feel amazing!
Been not letting the boys get away with being brats
Should've done that years ago
I don't set things up for them enough
They have too much free time
Which equals plenty of time for trouble!
I've got to get my mind in the right place
Stop being so lazy
What happened to me?
I was always on the go go go!
I do like being less stressed and more relaxed
My goal is to relax AFTER my chores are done
That. would. be. BLISS.
Wonder if I will ever become the girl I feel I was meant to be
The thin, firm, yoga, meditator, calm speaker, peaceful person.
I need a body, mind, and soul detox.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Ethan playing upstairs

Nightmare On Elm Street right now.. my street being Elm!.. which it isn't but I'm not going to put what it's really called.. I mean with ALL my followers.. someone would be knocking my door down any moment.. oh wait.. Ethan already did that today!!!!!

Ya wanna know what else the monster Ethan did today?

Took Gavin's volcano lamp and dumped all the water out - onto Gavin's bed! Awesome.. now I have to wash a comforter, towels, and sheet.. in addition to all the chores I am supposed to get today.. which I haven't even begun.. because I been on the couch all day..

BUT in my defense.. I've been successfully researching the NJ ASK test and found sample tests listing all the material to be covered.. I then saved the information and emailed it to my local Staples store for them to print off for me. SCORE!

But yeah, back to my nightmare... he took the boys' dirty hamper and scattered all the dirty clothes all over the boys' room.. then flipped the hamper upside down and used it to reach Gavin's top shelf which is where he keeps all his prized possessions.. the shelf is now empty. eek.

He went into my room even though I shut my door and told him not to.. he ate some candy left over from St. Valentine's Day.. and opened up a pack of stickers and foam pads my mom bought for all three boys..

So I then LOCKED my door and closed it.. it's one of those locks that can be opened by anything like a flathead screwdriver.. well, when I went to check on him ten minutes later.. my door was open.. I thought he figured out how to unlock it.. nope.. he just friggen busted it open!

Now my bedroom door won't even close, let alone lock.. awesome!!

He got butt naked.. but that's really nothing too out of the ordinary for him..

Ugh.. what a nightmare..


Totally ate a gazillion calories today too.. I have a unit exam due tonight.. so I'm kinda stressed over that.. I don't know.. I am feeling very discombobulated today.. I should've went to spin class.. it would've woken my butt up (I'm still in my glasses and PJs) I most likely would not have eaten all the crap I did.. and I would be up and motivated to get my chores done.. instead of sitting here in this messy messy house..

But lemme stop whining and get my butt up and cleaning.. even though I just wanna sit here and do nothing.. hmph!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Operation Overcome Laziness

Went through some old diaries the other day.. what a hysterical trip down memory lane.. I found one year's resolutions.. and all I can say is I am so very thankful that I am no longer in that girl's shoes.. she was a very unhealthy and unhappy person..

I feel pretty good about myself these days.. but I think that has a lot to do with self-acceptance.. and focusing on the good and not the bad..

I do have one self-destructing habit that I just can't ignore though.. I don't know whether to call it laziness or procrastination.. it's both really.. I'm so lazy, until I barely have enough time to accomplish the task and then I go into a frenzy - and usually bring the boys with me - trying to get everything done on time.. whether it be cleaning the house when Frank calls and says he's on the way home.. or chilling all day and then at 7pm rushing to get the boys bathed, nails cut, uniforms ironed, homework checked, etc..

I keep putting laundry off.. and then today I woke up and I have two clean baskets full of cleaned, folded clothes that need to be put away - the two baskets probably contain 5 or 6 tub loads of laundry! And of course the dirty baskets are overflowing as well..

Let alone I haven't done much cleaning at all because I had a Unit exam for school yesterday and my procrastination meant I didn't even open my book until Friday.. so all day Friday and Saturday.. I let the kids do whatever they wanted while I studied.. and my house looks like it.. sticky kitchen floors, cereal on the parlor floor, toys everywhere.. counters covered in whatever everyone felt like not putting away and just dropped it there instead.. totally a pet peeve of mine..

Yeah so.. point is.. I'm lazy.. and I wait until the last minute.. and my life is chaos breeding more chaos.. So that's my new life mission - to get my butt in gear and stop putting chores off until the last minute..

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Love for my men

I have four a few mimosas in me.. feeling quite loved.. and bored.. ha! So I thought I'd express the love I have for the four fellas in my life..

Gavin - you are so wonderful! You come home from school every day and hover around me.. you don't want to do anything except follow me around.. asking me how my day went.. and telling me about yours.. I absolutely LOVE that you do this. When you all are grown.. and I look back on the things I miss.. this will certainly be one of my fondest memories.. hands down.. thank you for loving me so much..

You may be failing school at the moment.. but maybe it was meant to be.. I was planning on transfering you and Ayden to a new school next year.. and because of your grades I started second guessing myself and picking the brains of everyone I talk to.. to the point where I think our public school district may not be so bad after all.. maybe it was meant to be.. or maybe I'm just a few sheets to the wind


Dearest Ayden,

I am thinking that we need to hang out more.. alone, just me and you.. I know we went to the movies last night (Gnomio & Juliet) but that doesn't really count since we didn't talk too much.. I want to spend more time talking and listening to you.. you don't seem to want to hang out with me like Gavin does.. but maybe I'll lure you in with some super fun arts & crafts.. ; ) I know you love them..

I can't wait for the summer so we can all be together all day every day!

You got the highest marks possible on your report card this marking period - hence movie night.. and your teacher says that you are very kind and very smart.. I love you so much Ayden.. you are such an awesome kid!


Ethan Ethan Ethan.. you are such a mama's boy.. you want to "Sit lap Mama?" all day long.. well, other than when you are being a sneaky little monster.. ; ) You have started to talk SO MUCH lately.. you have been saying words for a while now.. but you've moved on to sentences and it just seemed to come out of left field! I love that you are getting bigger, but at the same time, I wish you'd stay little for ever!! I can't wait to see you evolve even more.. love you my baby..


Frankie Frankie.. my Luos for Life.. oh babe.. I just love you so much.. thank you for being willing to sacrifice so much.. you have changed so much of who you were.. to better suit the needs of the family.. and the results have so been worth it!! Thank you for sending me sweet loving texts every day for the past ten years.. they saturate me with love.. we ran off and eloped without really knowing what we were getting ourselves into.. and luckily it was the Lord's plan and it all worked out.. I love you more than I thought was possible! Thank you for all your sacrifices.. you will always be my Luos.. the one and only..


Dear dad.. since I'm giving shout outs to the men in my life.. let me give you one as well.. growing up you were my #1 hero.. the one and only.. even after I married Frank.. you were the #1 guy in my life.. eventually that changed, but I know you are glad it did.. I hope you are looking down on me and the boys.. I hope you see how well Frank is taking care of us.. I hope I make you proud Seeds.. I may not talk to you often.. but that doesn't mean I don't think about you often! I wonder what it's like on the other side.. I hope you are in heaven.. or on your way.. and I will do everything in my powers to meet you there! Love you dad.. always & forever..

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Gavin's Gruesome Grades

What do you do when your child fails school because he is too lazy to put forth the effort required for good grades?????

I've taken away video games, tv, and even toys!

He isn't allowed out with friends. I give him daily chores - more than his usual bit.

I talked to him kindly and explained the seriousness bad grades will have on his future.

I've yelled and told him how disappointed I am in him.

I've cried and tried to guilt him.

I told him he needs to ignore his friends, pay attention to the teacher, and check any and all assignments four times before turning anything in.

And I've talked to him about his poor grades every single day. I check his homework, ask about future projects, ask if he got in trouble at school.

Every day he sincerely says "I'm so sorry mom. I will try harder! I know you don't believe me, but I will bring my grades up mom. I'm sorry." He even cries!

Then.. I check his homework and he doesn't even read the directions and gets all three math problems WRONG.. I mean, there's only 3 questions Gavin, how can you NOT read the directions and then double check it.. and then triple check it!?!!?! When you are FAILING school.

People think infants are hard to parent, or toddlers, nothing compares to parenting a pre-teen.. well.. this coming from a mother without any teenagers.. but I'm sure THEY are even more difficult and frustrating.

I bought "Bright minds, poor grades" and have started reading it, but I can't see it holding any magic answer that will motivate Gavin. I should pray. That's what I should do. Give it God.

In fact, I've tried my way and it didn't work. I should've thought of this sooner! I'm a fool Lord, forgive me. I am not in control. You are.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Healthy & Yummy???

Oh my goodness gracious!!!!!!!

Do you LOVE those Girl Scout cookies Samoas???

I do.. I actually just placed an order the other day (2 boxes of those and 1 of the mints.. yummmmm!)

Anywho.. I just ran to Foodtown with Ethan and I was looking for healthier snacks - I've been eating really well for almost a week now and I feel so awesome.. I usually eat because I'm bored or stressed.. I never ever get to actually feeling hungry.. I often eat just because I LOVE food so much! And I've been trying to not let food be something I think about more than GOD and it totally has been for many many years..

So this past week I have been in control and loving it..

So I'm in the snack isle gettin Gavin the Pop Tarts he recently asked me for.. when I see:

I've had Fiber Plus bars plenty of times before.. they def make ya poop and they really do taste yummy.. but THESE?!?!?!?! Caramel Coconut Fudge?????? I immediately thought of Samoas.. but was a little skeptical.. I am not kidding they taste sooooooooo unbelievable similar.. I ate two because they are so yummy and I couldn't resist to get even more fiber..

Yeah so I thought what if Kingdom Mama or that cute photographer with the red hair and herd of children (hehe.. can't think of your name right now.. sorry.. I'm horrible with names.. I know the hubs is Joe.. and ok.. let me really show my ADD and totally skip topics and see if I can name all your kiddos.. LOL.. Ayana.. Roman.. Oxton.. Sailor.. sugar.. what are the other two.. Kiesha? nooo.. ok.. anywho..)

I was thinking what if they knew of super healthy foods that are super yummy.. so I'm sharing in hopes that you guys or anyone else knows of some healthy food that tastes like, i don't know.. fudge or sutten.. ; )

And I didn't forget about you my OH friend.. who is married to her HSSH.. and has a herd of her own.. but I can't place your name at the moment either.. but I know you love Top Tens!! hehe.. WAIT.. I got it - ABBY!!!!!!! and noooo I didn't peek.. I just thought of your email addy..