Friday, December 30, 2011

Twenty Twelve Resolutions

Oh em gee.. it's my most favoritest time of the year.. New Years!!!! I am an absolute.. idk.. freak? lover? obsesser!! of all things fresh and new... not materialistic things.. but morning for example..

I LOVE MORNINGS!!! I love that it's a fresh new start.. a clean slate.. it's so PURE to me.. like I can do anything.. as though all my faults and misgivings are a thing of the past (duh) and it's so invigorating.. I swear my heart rate is in overdrive right now just thinking about it! ha!

It's so intense it's physiological!!!

Okay, do you get how "into" morning I am yet?? Well, multiply that by, oh idk, 365 (haha I kill me) and oh em gee.. that's what New Years is to me!

I am actually quite the slacker this year.. my resolutions are normally on my mind at the beginning of Fall.. but not this year.. I have just been so busy lately.. which totally ended my whole boredom binging.. and took off those 5 lbs that the holidays snuck on me..

And the whole me totaling my car thing kept my mind otherwise occupied.. and then of course me Frank buying me a sick ass Jeep Commander definitely kept my mind occupied with driving it 13 x a day =) just to drive it.. hehe

So here I is.. ready to "plan" .. did I mention I am a planner.. much more than a "doer".. problematic for sure. Definitely going to be a professional planner in my next lifetime!

But, back to my resolutions..

1. I want to create! Candles, home decor, crochet Christmas stockings, and ornaments, and hats, and blankets. Spruce up the house a bit (totally inspired by this amazing woman's blog!)

2. Stop being so short with the kids, as if I'm too busy for them. I am so fake kind in the real world.. I just smile and nod to everyyyyone.. even butt holes.. if I dislike you, you would never know it. I just don't like making people feel bad, so I just smile and nod and walk away.. but when it comes to the most important people in my life (not Frank tho, I do the whole smile & nod routine with him too ;) I am so snappy with them. It's a horribly habitual routine that I need to and will break! They deserve the smile and nod treatment too. The actually, not only deserve it, but will thrive from it! The love and tenderness of a parent is like nothing else. And just feeling that love from your home will make you less likely to find it elsewhere - like with peers. So yes yes, this is a big one! Not that I'm super mean or anything.. but I'm overly kind to others, and I want that for my children.. it's just so hard to be on your best all the time.. it's quite exhausting! lol After a ridiculous conversation with a nonsensical friend.. I need a nap! It's draining.. LOL But I am a mother, I chose to be a mother, and my kids are growing up so fast.. so giving them my best or at least my "better" is very high on my priority list.

3. Save money.. this one will be tough because what comes in goes right back out.. but it's unacceptable to be 32 years old without a savings account. The planner in me is refusing to put it off any longer. Frank's income and & my part time supplemental income isn't going to cut it, so the plan is to take all my creative energy and put it to good use. (aka sell items from resolution #1)

4. Try a different recipe every week! I made this my big resolution last year and didn't even make it through January. It's intimidating for me. I am a very habitual person and I like what I like.. but my recipes are so outdated and we're just sick of them.

5. Teach the boys about Jesus. My mother raised us in Catholic schools, she attends mass weekly, but yet she will never talk to me about Him. And if I try, she stays quiet so as to end the conversation and quickly as possible. Ditto with the hubs, who prays in the shower every morning and I'm sure sometimes at night. My best friend doesn't even believe in God, nor do my brothers. So it's an awkward situation. But I am done keeping quiet. I will talk more about Him than ever before! I was even thinking about letting Ayden on my computer to read children Bible stories and then ask him a few questions afterwards to make it super fun for him being as he hardly ever gets computer time.. and with Gavin, I want to teach him to be more in tune with his inner spirit. To listen to his intuition and know that it is God guiding him. And Ethan is just too cute already. He talks about Jesus and God every day. He was playing a video game with Ayden yesterday and Mario was in the sky and he said "That's where Jesus lives." So cute!

And I think 5 is enough for now. I want to succeed.. not overwhelm my senses.

Okay, ONE MORE - Blog more! At least 2x a week.. There are so many memories I am forgetting already.

Friday, November 18, 2011


I'm a horrible blogger, huh? I prefer the paper journals.. funky ones.. Barnes & Nobles has a line of them that are handmade by women in the Appalachians and their made from the leftover scraps from a sock factory.. not from trees.. its so cool..

But anyways.. all is well on my end.. super actually.. I started a new bookkeeping job on Wednesday and it seems like it's going to be perfect for me. I'll be left alone, set my own hours, can't be better.

Christmas is creeping up so quickly, I can't wait! Definitely downsizing in the gifts department this year, but that's a good thing. We spend way too much money on toys they hardly play with. They're each getting one "big" gift that I know they will LOVE and then a bunch of smaller, much more inexpensive gifts.

I'm also emphasizing how Thanksgiving is a time to not only give thanks, but to help others. Frank and I have been given a turkey on more than one occasion from both of our former employers, and back then, we needed it! So even though I describe our situation as "being tight" compared to others, we're rich. Not really, of course, but we live in an area where a good chunk of the kids our kids go to school with are on welfare. And to think that some of those kids won't have a turkey, aw man, chokes me up.

So anyways, going to give this year in appreciation for all the people in our past who have given to us.

But Ethan is running a fever and needs some TLC.. until next time.. ya know, in like summer *wink*

Monday, October 10, 2011

RIP Pumbaa (aka Mr. Kiddy)

Let's see.. I adopted the best kitty ever - seriously! I have had cats, I know plenty of people with cats, and Pumbaa is seriously the best kitty ever.. well, that is until he went to kitty heaven at the ripe old age of 6 months. So mind boggling and obviously depressing.. He wouldn't come in one night after I called and called and called him.. I knew something was wrong, but it was storming and I thought maybe he found refuge under a car or something and just didn't wanna come out until it stopped pouring.. but then when it stopped pouring and he didn't come home.. my mind started wondering into the what if zone.

Frank stepped outside and quickly came back in and told me to get inside. He was under our tree, laying on his back (which he always did and loved for his soft furry tummy to be rubbed).. feet pointing to the stars.. We are guessing he fell out of the monster tree he was under..

Even though cats ALWAYS land on their feet.. or is that just a myth????

I don't know. But it sucks nonetheless.. He was my shadow. Ho hum..

We got another kitten.. it was too hard for me and Ayden to have Pumbaa not be here.. and I thought having a new kitten would shift our attention from devastated to somewhat joyful.. and it did for the kids.. but it made me even sadder.. Pumbaa passed away last Sunday.. and I am feeling less torn, but I regret getting our new kitten.

Everyone likes him and I can see why.. he doesn't have a favorite, he just goes to whoever, real chill cat, loves my dog, just does his own thang.

Pumbaa was not like that. All our family and friends have said at one time or another "How come he only likes you?" to me. LOL He was super scared when I got him from the shelter and I don't know why, but he just trusted me and only me. Didn't want anything to do with anyone else and would follow me around all day long. This kitten will mostly sleep in my room, but not on top of me. This cat, his name is Simbaa, btw, is cool on the floor or outside the door or whatever.. but Pumbaa had to be snuggled up against me..

Sigh.. miss you buddy.. RIP.

Ya like the names?? Pumbaa was named by the shelter, then when we got Simbaa his name was Swisher (yuck) so we named him Simbaa because in the movie The Lion King, Pumbaa and Simbaa were best friends.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Whiney Hiney Therapy Session

I find that I don't blog or paper journal unless I'm (A) pretty happy with life or (B) so utterly desperate for help that I can't even sleep.. but whenever life is in the middle of the road - as is often the case.. I don't feel the desire or motivation to blog..

So um anyways! LOL Been pretty stressed lately.. I have been unemployed for the past several years.. going to school and taking care of the kiddos.. but I had my Army money still coming in (so long as I was enrolled in college) but I graduated in May and we lost that chuck of change.. and it was a decent amount.. $700 a month.. so the past few months have just been so stressed due to finances.. I am a budgeter and not a spender (unless we have extra after all the bills are paid)..

So on paper (or Excel as I use) it seemed doable.. lighten up on the groceries, no eating out, no getting my nails done, etc..

But in reality, gas and food are freaking expensive!!! We went thru our little savings and have sadly fallen behind.. and the control freak that I am is not taking it too well.. she may or may not have cried this morning.. ha!

But actually, that crying fit was because I came to the decision that I must go back to work full time.. sniffle sniffle..

Ethan starts preK this September M-F from 8:20-2:20 so I was all about getting a part time job.. I mean I have to! But my mom's old place that she recently retired from only needs a full time girl.. no part time positions available.. so it's all or nothing.. and nothing is not an option.

I mean, I guess it is an option.. I work off the books (shhh!) but I only do about 10 hours a week and I would need to do at least double that.. and if I'm getting everything done in 10 why would he pay me for another 10.. lol.. sigh..

Ho hum..

And then!!! After I'm all sad about my poor baby who has never been away from me having to spend 40 hours at school.. I realized I don't even have that full time job yet.. I went from being in hysterics about it.. to begging God for it! (Wanna help me beg God for it? Please.)

Sigh.. yeah, very emotional and stressful time for me.. but just me.. because Frank is all "Don't worry about it hon. Don't work. We'll be fine." which is very kind, but also very unrealistic.. I mean we can't just go on not paying some bills.. but he's just like that.. *rolls eyes* haha kidding hon!

So um yeah.. I'm bugging over here.. And let's not even think about back to school clothes because that has been compartmentalized into the not happening bin. But they'll be fine, they have plenty of clothes and new sneakers that my mom bought a few months ago (that were in no way meant for the upcoming school year, but too bad, because I hid them in the closet) I got them all their supplies and book bags.. oh crap I need to get Ayden a lunchbox still..

Ahh.. I'm all over the place.. but this is totally therapy for me right now..

Oh, just thought of this pic I sent my girlfriend today:

Caption read: Screwwwww meeeee : (
(except not "screw")

In my defense.. the entire rest of my house was neat and tidy as it usually is.. minus the random toy or blanket or whatnot from the kids.. lol.. AND also in my defense.. hahah... the dishes in the drainer and on the coutertop are clean just drying.. I had a sad day give me a break.. ; )

And a few hours later.. I sent this pic to another friend:

Caption read: Kids dinners ready!

Yeah I'm a riot I know..

Anybody like Scrabble??? I love all puzzles.. there's a wannabe Scrabble app that you can download.. it's called "Words with friends" and you can play with random people or your friends.. no time limit!!! So you can do a word when u have a moment and then not go back to the game until hours later or days.. it's soooo cool.. I'm playing as I type this.. cause incase my head wasn't already in competition for being the most severely ADDed of all the ADDs I'm also playing scrabble.. my name is Girl Child if you wanna get yo butt whooped : )

I really wanna keep going with this therapy session.. but I know I must stop.. now.


Ok I just clicked "Publish Post" but I must must must tell myself this for future laughs..

We have a 3 bedroom home.. My room where me and the baby sleep (Frank sleeps downstairs - he stays up late and needs the tv on.. I go to bed early and need it off) then the other two boys share a bedroom..


Not to mock my children, but Gavin is almost 13.. is that normal?? LOL Yeah, we found this out because since the baby always crashed in my room.. I decided that the 3rd bedroom was going to waste and that I should deck it out and give it to Gavin since he's the oldest.. I painted it gray with maroon and white trim.. stuck a bunch of skater decals all over the place.. hung up cool posters.. I even use skateboards as his shelves..

Well he kept "letting" Ayden sleep in his new room.. something I thought he'd be totally against.. It's MY room, get out.. nope.. he let him, over and over and over.. for weeks I wasn't putting two and two together.. then he said it.. "Mom, can I move back into my old room?"

WHAT.. I just put all this work and effort into a kickass room and you wanna move out??? Okay whatever.. can't make the kid be afraid..

So now lately Ayden's all "Mom, can I move in?" Which he is just as scared as the other one..

So I told him yesterday if he slept in there alone from now until Monday, he could have it. Lights off at 9, tv off at 11.

I go in this morning and the tv is on.. hrm.. fell asleep before 11 or too afraid to shut it off??

So tonight I emphasize no tv after 11.. he must've thought I said 10 because he just came knocking on my door with tears "I don't want my own room." hahaha...

Freaks.. Just like their mother.. I'm a skeerdy too.. of bugs.. the dark.. strangers.. LOL

Sunday, July 17, 2011

I heart GavStar

Can I just brag on my Gavin again.. this kid is amazing.. he is just not affected by what his peers are doing. He knows what Facebook is for the most part - because he comes to me asking questions about most things he's unfamiliar with ; )

He asked me if he could create one, but I explained that at this stage I just don't see it being a positive influence in his life. I'm sure he was a little bummed, but didn't complain or beg or really react much at all. Even though all his close friends have accounts.

But yesterday Gavin asked me if I would create a yahoo email address for him. I obliged and this morning I showed him how to send an email. I typed in my email address and told him its basically like texting and to send me whatever. This is what he wrote:

hey mom i love my new yahoo account. thks for it.

* That's why he asked how do you spell account! *

My soon to be teen is appreciative for an email address. I love that kid! I really don't deserve such a well behaved child. I deserve a snotty mouth girl! Because that's what I was to my mother. Aw man did we hate each other. She's my best friend now and has been since I turned 18.. or rather, she has been since I moved out! LOL

But man at Gavin's age I had already pierced myself in several spots, ran away, argued, lied about my whereabouts.. ugh what hell I put my poor parents thru.. tho technically it was their fault for not being... more like me ; )


kidding mother dearest

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Oversleeping is Expensive

There is nothing interesting online at the moment.. although I guess that's impossible.. so I guess I just can't find anything good to read at the moment..

Decided to do a little fast this week.. 3 days of no food, then 3 days of just fruit, and on the 7th day fruits, veggies, oatmeal, and brown rice..

Sounds like a nice little detox to me! And besides.. I was really going coo coo for coco puffs over food there lately.. I must have ingested *thinks to self... 8 a day x 14 days* A LOT of Reeces peanut butter cups in the past few weeks.. and I was on a cereal kick.. 3 bowls a day.. and of course it was Fruit Loops or Frosted Flakes..

But more than anything.. I just felt distant from God.. (and so close to food).. so I figured what the hay.. nice little detox to break the cycle..

Today's only day 2.. but it's already 3:30pm and I'm not even close to caving.. I feel energized (uhh.. that's probably from the Caramel Frappacino with a shot of espresso from Star Bucks.. haha.. but no whip cream! LOL cause that's "food".. aw man, I kill me.)

Anywho.. I feel great! I feel empowered and in control and clean and strong!

But enough about that..

Summer is going great.. except that I'm broke as a joke.. I have received $700mo from the Army for the past 6 or so years for attending school.. but I graduated in May and am no longer receiving it.. so until the baby starts preK in September and I in turn start my jobby job.. we is living off Ramen.

But that's okay.. we're homebodies anyways.. we live 6 blocks from the beach and we have a pool so... we're enjoying the laidbackness of it all..

Speaking of our pool.. wanna hear a funny story??

It's the summer of 08 and I'm very pregnant with Ethan... I tell Frank I can not make it through the summer without a pool pass or season pass to our local waterpark.. he tells me to get lost and that we're not paying $500 for either one..

Ok fine..

Fast forward a few weeks and Frank decides to not wake up one morning even though I'm all big and pregnant asking for him to get up and help me with whatever it was I needed help with.. He used to sleep til 2pm all the time, but it drives me bat shit crazy, so that ended a few years into our marriage..

But on this particular day he just wouldn't get up. So I showed him.. drove my big ol self to the pool store and bought us a pool. hahahahaha...

He woke up thinking Oh boy, I'm ganna have to hear her mouth. But instead he got a big old smile and a hysterically laughing wife. =) The really funny part is four years later I've maybe been in the pool a dozen times. Probably closer to 8. But the boys and Frank love that thing!

He only slept that late ONE other time.. and it just so happened to be the day that some Tar Company came knocking on my door asking if I wanted a paved driveway for super cheap since they had extra tar from a job they did around the corner.

Omg.. he let the pool thing go because we had saved up a few bucks.. but the $500 I spent on the driveway did not go over well..

Needless to say he has not slept ridiculously late since.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Kars for Kids

There's this radio commercial about donating your car that comes on a lot by me.. it's one of those annoying jingles that you unintentionally start singing while doing some random chore like dishes.. I dare ya to listen to it!

Kars 4 Kids

Hrm.. here's the link just in case that link didn't work for you.. because it's not working for me:

The jingle goes something like "1 8 7 7 Kars for kids. K-A-R-S cars for kids. Donate your car today."

So it comes on yesterday while me and the kids are hanging out back.. After it's over Gavin goes

"So, instead of buying a kid, you give them your car and they give you a kid?"

Why yes Gavin!! That is exactly what they meant! hahahaha.... Oh my word, that kid kills me.. I'm like "Really Gav?!?!?!" And he totally defended his position: "Well, they do say "Cars for kids."

He's lucky he's so gorgeous.. hopefully it'll make up for the bubbleheadedness that he totally gets from his father *snicker snicker*

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Long Days Short Years

I was just looking through old photos to add to my sidebar. My babies are growing up so fast. Ayden looks so different when he had his baby teeth. Poor kid's in the awkward Sponge Bob teeth phase.

Exhibit A

And the baby - oh my goodness! He looks like such a baby in photos that were only taken a few months ago. *sigh* Let along looking at his baby pics!!

It always seems so exhausting - cleaning the house only to find crumbs on the floor and who knows what on the couch.. cooking a nice meal only to hear "Do I have to eat this?!" and then the mountain of dishes waiting for me afterwards. Let alone the wrestling and arguing that I am constantly defusing.

Yeah, these goofballs definitely keep me on my toes.

My summertime goal is to play more with them.. I don't typically "play" with them. That's Frank's area of expertise.. he'll throw them around in the pool.. or play ball with them out back.. probably because he's like a big kid.. hehe.. but they love it!

I'm more of a spectator or cheerleader. I sit on the chair and watch them play ball. Adding my dutiful "Wow! Great job!" every so often. Or let them in the pool while I watch from the deck. But I wanna join in the festivities this summer.. Frank's always wanting me to hang out back with them.. but I usually prefer to be alone in the house when he's got them entertained in the yard. Maybe I'll alternate. haha..

Monday, June 27, 2011

Boys are Gross

Ethan is fond of sticking things in his nose at the moment. It used to be his ears. But after getting his ears flushed because a tiny piece of wipey had disintegrated in there, he was pretty much traumatized after that.

But months later, he's back to his old ways. Except now it's the nose. A few months ago he was complaining of something being stuck up there.. I held the other nostril and told him to blow.. uhh yeah.. totally wasn't expecting that pimento to come flying out at me!

Last night he's laying in bed with me and I see him sticking a small piece of tissue up his nose. So of course I yell at him to cut it out and tell him it's nasty. Apparently there wasn't just one. This is what my floor looked like after he threw them off the bed. Because walking to the garbage can in the corner was apparently asking too much.

He's so nasty. And this morning when I went to open the blinds on the other side of the bed.. there were more over there. *shakes head*

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Ethan in the Sink

I have a crying two year old crawling on me at the moment.. at least he's clean though.. because the only thing worse than a crying whiny child is a dirty crying whiny child..

He's actually "supah" clean (Ethan's pronunciation) because after he was done going to the bathroom he decided to give himself a bath. In my teeny tiny bathroom sink! Uh yeah.

Like really?! The kid takes forever to poop.. seriously like 15 minutes.. and he stinks! I don't want to sit in there with him for that long..


He just noticed my computer screen and said "Mama!, Dat me! I take my clothes off." ha!

My poor tub! It's taken a beating lately.. normally in the summer my kids hardly ever take baths because Frank typically takes them in the pool after work.. not quite sure why, but they haven't been doing that lately.. I'm ganna have to remind the kids how much fun that is. *big huge supah wink* hahaha..

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Ayden's going to Juvie

The boys have been outside with Frank all day.. and they look it!! Filllllllthyyyyy

I told them they weren't allowed in until they were ready for baths.. so once the bugs starting coming out.. they decided they were ready for those baths.. ha! I put Ethan and Ayden in together and then close the curtain most of the way so I could pee.. this is the convo that I heard from the other side of the curtain:

Ethan: Why mommy close the curtain?

Ayden: Because she had to pee and we can't see her. Well, I can't see her. You can.

Ethan: Why?

Ayden: Because it's probably illegal. I'll go to jail. You won't because you're a baby. Babies can't go to jail. But kids can. It's called juvie.

And that's when I busted out hysterical laughing..

Friday, June 24, 2011

I just cut my own hair - eek!!

Oh boy.. I gave myself a hair cut.. I been on a kick.. searching for make up ideas and hairstyles.. well I found one about how to cut hair.. hahahahaha..

It doesn't look that bad.. but I did get a little scissor happy.. all my hair was previously one length and now I have a very thin portion that is still that long.. the rest is all in choppy shorter layers..

I originally (about a week ago) gave myself side bangs.. which when brushed straight down.. came to the tip of my nose.. but today I decided I wanted regular bangs, not side swiped..

Uhhh.. let's just say I'll be growing them out. LOL Oh well though.. it's different.. and fun to play with.. and from what I hear.. bangs grow so fast.. or at least you notice the growth that much more.. so.. they'll be long bangs in no time.. and my layers are going to look a million times better as they grow out too..

So screw it.. I don't mind it.. but I'll definitely be letting it all grow out.. =) Wanna see pics??

I am so not photogenic.. I must've taken 30 and these 3 were the only survivors.. I don't understand why either.. cause I think in person I'm pretty cute.. but man oh man sutten happens inside that lens.. and then I'll see photos of girls/women who look freakin adorable!! even though they aren't someone you would look at as being overly attractive.. but they just come out as cute as could be in photos.. yep, totally jealous..

Hrm.. wonder if I could YouTube that!! "how to be photogenic" hahahaha

Thursday, June 23, 2011

And Action!

I'm going public again.. this must be my tenth fifth blog I've created.

I think the best thing for me to do is to have two blogs.. the private one where I write my erratic thoughts without being judged or giving a flying flute what anyone thinks..

And then this one.. where people can stop in and say hi and we can exchange pleasant comments..

Or is that a little weird that I have a secret blog?? LOL It's like my journal though.. where I can vent my frustrations about my family and talk about stupid issues like insecurities.. I don't like putting things like that out in the public world.. it seems very.. dramatic first of all.. and just very private.. if I wanna call Frank a lazy piece of &%$* because he just stained my newly bleached counter top I should be able to do so.. in private! But not speak that way of him to others..

It makes sense to me.. so, that's what I'm doing..

This one will be light and airy.. funny kid stories.. pictures.. thoughts.. encouragement.. etc..

The other one will basically be my evil thoughts.. because journaling has seriously always helped me overcome negative thoughts.. I'll be in bed all antsy at 3am.. get up, journal, and I'm sleeping in 10 minutes..

I'll be back soon enough to update and decorate ; )

Monday, May 30, 2011

Beme in the Lead

Having the best day I've had in a while
Meditated (briefly) and found such peace
God spoke to my heart
and told me to trust Frank's love
let go of the darkness: anger, jealousy, revenge
and just
Trust God and trust Frank

When a glimpse of something negative enters
I shoo it away before I even know what it's mission was
because I know two things:
1. It was sent from Satan
2. It was going to bring evil into my cells
No thank you!

I got so much done today:
Laundry, dishes, cleaning, the boys' rooms, dusting
And I ate well, very well

I feel great
I even took Ethan for a bike ride
And I'm due for my period today
So all those excuses are just that - excuses!

Beme is my leader today, a biproduct of the Supreme
and peace flows through me
No way!!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


I'm mortified

As is the non pregnant woman/girl who I said "I love pregnant women. How far along are you?" to

It happened at work.. so I couldn't even leave... sooo embarrassing.. =(

THEN.. as if that weren't bad enough..

My boss gives me $ and says "There's a tip."

And I thought it was a $20 tip.. so I said "Wow. A big one!"

Trying to show my appreciate and being thankful...

Then on the way home I redid the calculations in my head..

and it was only a $5 tip.. so my response was probably viewed as being sarcastic!!!!!!

Ughhh.. really?!?!?!

So I did what any emotional eater would do..

Ate two bagels.. annnnnd a bowl of cereal..

Not a very good day for me.. LOL

But.. I am definitely laughing out loud.. literally.. about it.. because..

It's friggen hysterical..

Or at least it will be..

In the future..

*rolls eyes*

Monday, April 18, 2011

School - Mine & Gavin's

I'm on a mission to get my very very very last semester of school ovah and done with! I have 6 more assignments.. if I do 2 a day for 3 non-consecutive days.. I will be DONE as in never taking another class ever again for as long as I shall LIVE Thursday April 24th.

Pretty Amaaaaazing!!!!!!!

So glad I was able to go to school instead of work for the past several years.. So glad that I didn't stand up for myself back in 1997 when the soldier who was helping me fill out my enlistment forms told me that I DID in fact want to enroll in the Montgomery GI Bill even though I had just got done telling him I didn't!

I ended up paying $100 out of my pay for the first 12 months of my enlistment.. and in return the Army paid for my tuition, books, and gave me hundreds of dollars each month for the past 7 years. Had it not been for that program my children would be in after school programs while both their mama and papa worked their tushies off.

I would have never realized that it IS possible to have just one income.. I would have been in the mindset of "Well, my mother worked full time and we ended up fine." That day, at that man's desk.. changed my life and my kids lives forever. I remember being pissed off that I didn't stand up for myself and that it was such a waste of $1200!! I thought "I'm going to stay in the Army forever." and had that been the case I would have gotten a free education anyways.

But shit came up and I got out.. and therefore was no longer entitled to go to school for free. I wonder if soldiers are still able to take free classes.. the program I was enrolled in (Montgomery GI Bill) just recently changed.. it hasn't been enforced yet, but it will be in a few months.. I am so fortunate that it didn't go into effect while I was enrolled - it lessens the money received by Veterans.

Anywho.. that's my long saga about my education that I was forced to get. ha! I'm sure my dad is proud though. Education was high on his priority list.

Man, you'd think I was talking about my Masters.. hahaha.. I took me this long (7 years.. on and off.. mostly on!) to get my Associates!! But it's mine and I earned it.. while being a mother.. sometimes a full time employed mother might I add.. ;)

Ok enough about that..

In other news.. I have decided to ease up on Gavin's grades.. I had always expected straight As.. then as he went to school I realized it's impossible to be anything but thrilled when they bring home Bs too..

Cs ah not so much.. Ds and I start screaming.. Fs and I start hitting!

Buuuuut it's been years now that Gavin has been erratic with his grades.. one marking period he's on the honor roll.. and the next he's got 2 Ds..

He has never been interested in school.. and I'm guessing he never will. But I very recently stopped that from being the sole representative of who he is in my eyes. He has SO MANY wonderful qualities that I can't just let his academics determine who he is. I know plenty of children his age and he is by far the best. hahha.. biased? Maybe.. but ask my friends and even associates and they just gush at how polite he is, and responsible (except for school ;) he's kind, generous, and my best friend..

I, by nature (thanks Dad) put education high up my list.. so I did tell him I'll give him $100 if he brings me home straight As - which IS totally possible (so says me, him, and all his teachers) if he tried hard enough.. he's just lazy uninterested..

But wow.. are you reading this at sonic speed?? Cause that's how I'm thinking, typing, reading it..

Gained a few lbs this weekend.. oink oink.. I ate like a piggy.. cake more cake dinner with the girls.. drinks with the girls.. cupcakes.. yeesh.. my poor organs.. trying to detox today.. totally craving a ginormous Salad Works salad.. which btw they deliver!

Until my next rambling...

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Palm Sunday Thoughts

Yesterday was my mother's birthday.. she came up for a visit and when the baby saw her present he got a little jealous ticked..

Pouty face, arms crossed, huffing and puffing "Hrmph!" on the bathroom floor.

What's the matterrrrr??

Is Nanny's birfday and not mine! Hmph!

Aww, it's your birthday too!

You want us to sing to you? Still pouty, but definitely getting happier he says yes. So we do. Then he tells us to sing Happy Birthday to Nanny, and Ayden, and "the cup" that was sitting on the end table. ha!


So last night nothing was on TV, then my mother and I remembered that there was a cute Candace Cameron Bure movie premiering on Fox "To Tell the Truth" I think it's called..

Well, we couldn't remember the name, so I googled her, found her website, and knew she'd be advertising it, which she was, so we put it on..

As I'm on her website I see she has a new book called "Reshaping it All" I was this close to running out to Barnes & Noble to get it.. had it not been pouring and her birthday I would have..

But I did the next best thing and read the comments of the people who purchased it instead..

Somewhere in the flood of reviews I saw that someone brought up her stance on Yoga, and I had no idea, but some religious folks believe that Yoga is of the devil!

Isn't that odd?

I woke up at 4:44am this morning and after spending lots of time talking to the Lord I came down here and googled that whole theory.. You should have seen all the people who got their panties in a bunch about how yoga is evil and God condemns it and we are ignorant for taking on Hinduism beliefs.. yada yada yada

And yet again.. I am so turned off by offensive folks claiming to be a better follower of Christ than my yoga loving, church skipping self..

Another, and probably most prominent (for me), person who speaks very similar to these people is Candace's brother Cameron.. he really had me thinking a while back..

He speaks of God being so.. well, evil.

And Cameron is a rooty tooty full fledged follower.. He reads (the Bible) before he feeds (his body) every morning.. there's another cute rhyme he follows.. but I forget it..

On his website he says that if you believe God loves you no matter what and that if you are a good person at heart you're okay.. that you are delusional and that "your (meaning mine) God is a figment of your imagination."

How friggen insulting right?!?!

Totally crazy to me that people who supposedly follow Jesus with every ounce of their being are the rudest people who judge like only Jesus should!! There was one comment (about the yoga) that resonated with me.. she (well, I guess it could have been a male) said that we should live life being kind and loving to others.. let God judge.. and that we should enjoy our life on earth because it is a gift from God.. it was actually quite long and well written.. I am forgetting 90% of it.. but it wasn't just a hippy free spirit thing.. It was genuinely a great way to live. Love God, love yourself, love others.. stop judging.. don't be obsessed with yoga or food or anything.. but enjoying those things seem harmless enough and I agree with her..

she (he) also counters the folks who say only those that read and live by the Bible will make it into heaven by asking about the illiterate folks - who she claims (and I am likely to agree) make up the majority of the world! Or the people who, by default of being born in certain locations, don't know of the Bible.. all those folks are doomed by no fault of their own? Come on now..

I am not a reader of the Bible, let alone a studier of it.. but is it the belief of many that God or Jesus actually wrote the Bible?? or is it commonly accepted that His followers (mere humans) wrote it. Because one word pops into my head - interpretation!

That's how people follow the Word is it not? By interpreting it. That's what Joyce Meyers does on her show (lover her!!) and so it would make sense that those who wrote it, gave their opinion as well. (ie standards/roles of women thousands of years ago that no longer fit in to societies standards.. or sacrifices being preformed)

So, if I go to hell because I didn't read the Bible enough, so be it. I won't read it just to ensure my spot. I won't read it unless I have the desire to. And sometimes I get that urge, and I open it up. But it isn't often and it never resonates with me.

But talking to God all day long every day is something I crave!!!!! and love. When I'm driving, when I'm peeing, in bed, when I look at my children, when my husband comforts me. It's all Jesus extending His love from above to me on this earthly place.

I believe with all my heart and soul that God loves everyone who truly loves Him and lives a life that makes God proud. Not perfect, no one is. But living in a way that follows God's desire.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Boys & Blue Nail Polish

I read an article the other day about how an exec at J. Crew painted her son's toenails hot pink.. I initially thought "Good for them!" for having a fun moment.. don't we all paint our son's toenails in the privacy of our home? oh you don't? Well, I do!

But I don't know that I would brag about it because I'm fairly certain that there are plenty of people who would disagree and make me feel like a bad mom.. Which is exactly what happened to this poor woman.. except these strangers took their opinions to an insanely disrespectful and almost psychotic manner.. so many folks were sooo mean and hurtful.. it was too much for me to read the comments after the first few. I flagged quite a few though.. I mean disgusting what those people were writing.

I used to be adamantly against gay rights.. I had a few friends in high school who were "Bi" just because it was cool.. it turned me off to having any respect for homosexuals because to me they were just looking for attention.. But after reading and hearing about so many wonderful people who happen to be gay, I am in no position to judge or deny them anything.

Personally still not a fan of flamboyants, but that applies to gay and straight.. And actually I used to tell Gavin, actually taught my son to dislike gays. I have reversed that position and explained how wrong I was. And that there are plenty of generous, kind, loving people who happen to be gay.

Most blogs I read.. are written by women who are not embarrassed to speak of Jesus.. I am not as free with my writing nor with my mouth.. I don't think it's embarrassment as much as it's the fact that everyone I know IRL doesn't feel the way I feel and they mock my beliefs.. not trying to be cruel.. they just don't understand how I could believe in God and love Him so much.. they were never taught about him.. never.. it's how life is where I am from.

I actually became so close to Him because of the blogs I read. It opened my eyes to how it should be!

I wonder what those women think of homosexuality. I'd guess that they are against it because the Bibles says so (not that I've ever read that it says that) but I've heard an interview one time from a Christian woman who studied the Bible in college.. and she said that it says something like.. Lay down with another man, and he shall go to hell.. but she also said that the Bible says the same exact thing about eating shell fish.. that you'll go to hell..

This article opened my eyes even further to who I want to be. I want to be a non judger.. sometimes I make myself go out in public without my wedding band on with kids in tow.. because I am always looking to see if a woman with children is married.. and if she isn't wearing a ring (which doesn't even mean she's not married) I judge her.

How disgusting of me. As if my wedding band means I'm any better. Puh lease! She could be a calm mother who spends much more quality time with her children than I do.

And just because someone is in love with the same sex.. doesn't mean I am any better. They can pray a million times more than me (yes, they do that!) and be kinder to strangers and donate more money and their time than I do..

Lady GaGa has a song where she says something about God loving the gays.. and it's so wonderful that they don't say to themselves "Oh I'm gay, God doesn't love me, so I don't love Him either!" and take that route.. which would be easy for them to do..

No, they say screw that section of the Bible, GOD DOES LOVE ME! AND I LOVE HIM! I know I say screw certain sections of the Bible.. some of it is a bit freaky. But that doesn't take one iota away from me loving the Lord.

All that to say I painted Ethan's and Ayden's toes blue yesterday ; ) and for the record Frank (mr macho man) laughed about it.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Jumbalaya.. as always

Frank and I had such a weird past few weeks.. taken our love for granted most likely.. I think it's officially behind us.. but it just reinforces the fact that marriage is something you must work for.. so many people assume that a happy marriage is something they are entitled to.. but no one is "entitled" to another person..

Frank's main issue has always been respect.. My main issue is appreciation.. and we usually mesh quite well with one another but lately.. he's been so focused on himself (tattoos, working out, work) and not giving me enough attention (texts, hugs, kisses, winks) which then makes me feel unappreciated.. and mad at him for rejecting me (that's how I perceive it) so then I don't respect him (as in I don't really care what you have to say Frank.. since you don't care about me.. I'm now going to be rude and walk away while you're talking) and that's been our life for the past few weeks..

But it's all nonsense.. I am not going to let my happy marriage be taken away from me because I am too proud to be kind to someone who doesn't necessarily deserve it.. So, I let it all go. Again.

Well, I let most of it go and am truly working on the rest.. ; ) meaning.. I was nice to him this morning.. but in my mind I was irritated that I had to be nice.. but whatever.. I'm a definite believer of fake it till you make it!


I've been on a 40 day challenge for the past 6 days.. 40 days of no cursing, no getting angry, no gossiping, no being a glutton.. etc..

I have not been perfect, but I have been pretty good.. and I will be even better
today and tomorrow and the next day!

Except for that whole Frank thing.. Evil definitely won that battle.. but we made up and maybe it'll make us appreciate the wonderful times to come that much more.


I let Gavin off punishment.. even though his grades were crap: B, C, D, D.. But both those Ds were Cs a week before report cards, but he didn't do a hmwk assignment in each class and those zeros dropped his average down to a D. One D is one point away from a C the other is atrocious.. but he's just been punished for so long.. I thought let's give him a taste of freedom and maybe that'll motivate him to keep it! *fingers crossed*

He's doing great though.. always does what I ask without one single gripe.. love that kid!

turned 7 on Friday.. we had a bunch of friends over on Saturday.. he was so happy. We usually do partys at party places.. I've never had one at my house.. but it was so much better! I loved it!

Next year we'll stick to family friends though.. We only had one child who wasn't a family friend and he ended up running out my front door!!!!!!!! I chased him and then he wouldn't come back in. I yelled at him. lol I don't play around.. running out the front door. yeesh!

Plus he ran up to my back gate and kicked it and broke it.. yeah, family friends next year. lol

Ethan is loving this beautiful day.. my front door is open and all the windows.. he's saying "HI GUYS!!" to two teenage boys (who I guess are playing hooky) walking by.. soo cute!

Well, I could ramble on for days right now.. but I'll go stop Ethan from trying to... dang it! I was too late!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Pure Contentment & John Edwards

It's morning.. which (for me) means:

I physically feel God's presence in my soul..

I have pure contentment flowing thru every cell..

Thoughts are slightly noticed..

I can sit and relax.. almost as though meditating..

This is the feeling I have almost every morning..

I don't know at what point reality sets in

and my life is filled with everyday stresses and negative emotions..

I never really thought about that threshold..

But today I am going to focus on when and why this nirvana

fades into reality..


This morning's particular thought:

Do you think John Edwards

takes the feelings in the pit of his stomach

and doesn't overanalyze why or what is causing them

but just goes with instinct

as to what they are and who is causing him to have them??

What I mean is I have a physical weirdness in my tummy right now. I can tell myself it's nerves because of a few specific reasons, I could tell myself it's hunger pangs, I could brush away this feeling in my soul as being caused by anything that everyone else experiences.

Orrrrr, I could not consciously think about it and let my subconscious wonder and return with any number of outrageous causes. Such as, it's my dead father saying good morning, or it's God reminding me to pray, or it's a random spirit telling me whatever.

That's my theory on him.. he doesn't overanalyze and let's the first crazy-as-it-seems idea take control over his vocals and expresses whatever it is that came to him.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Jeannette's Stir Fry

My friend Jeannette is such an amazing cook and baker.. and other things.. of course ;)

So last Thursday I was at her house in the morning for coffee and gossip.. and at like 11am she's like "I'm hungry, I'm ganna cook something." I am not a cooker, except for a few times a week I'll make dinner.. but this girl whips out all kinds of ingredients and starts going to town making what she calls a "stir fry" but it wasn't like any stir fry I've ever had.

It was seriously amazing! and that was just her lunch. I decided we should start a Thursday cooking class type thing.. every Thursday we'll get together.. she can show me how to cook something.. and we'll make enough of it to feed both our families..

This way we get to hang out, our little ones get to play, and dinner's done by noon.. oh and I get a free cooking lesson! I figured we could alternate houses and costs.. Today is our first day and she's going to show me how to make chicken enchiladas.. I love Mexican food!

She actually did the shopping since I didn't know what to get and bc she had to run out.. but I'm paying, and we were supposed to do it here, but she asked me to go there instead.. lol..

Next week we're ganna do a veggie lasagna.. I think.. that was originally today's meal, but somehow (thank you GOD) it got switched to chicken enchiladas..

Oh.. and the stir fry went like this:

drizzle olive oil in a big ol pan
add chunks of chicken breast
salt and pepper
add a squash or zucchini
a pepper
a sm sweet potato
broccoli slaw (in a bag like cole slaw except it's shredded broccoli instead)
drizzle in some honey
soy sauce
a very light sprinkle of cumin
towards the end throw in a handful of spinach for extra fiber

I like mine without a grain, Jeannette prefers hers with quinoa or brown rice


Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Dearest Nicole

Super quick post because my battery is lowww and my kid needs breakfast.. but in the event I ever get in a month long rut again.. here is a motivational pep talk to myself.. (so long as the next bout is just as insignificant even thoooo it never seems that way at the time)

Dearest Nicole..
Wow you look great today! ; )
Not feeling so great eh?? Wanna curl up on the couch and just wallow?? Or eat your brains so that you can temporarily escape the blues?? None of it will make you feel better.. but you know that..

You need to make a short list of ToDos and knock em out.. cause accomplishing something is a sure fire way to get the endorphins partying again.. then take a nice long hot shower.. even if you have to bring Ethan in the bathroom with you.. get dressed.. put on make up.. meditate.. go for a walk.. take the boys somewhere..

Just don't encourage the blues.. and if it's Frank your bummed about.. don't think about the details too much.. you know that man loves you.. even if he's acting a bit selfish or rude of the late.. not saying to let it go completely.. I'm definitely not a fan of "sweep it under the rug." but.. voice your side.. and let it go.. because in the end.. you are wasting moments..

Why be unhappy now.. when you know you are ganna make up.. because (a) you deserve to be happy and (b) he deserves to be forgiven.. just like you do..

Hope that helps.. and if nothing else.. eat super light for 2 or 3 three days and then go shopping!! You could definitely use a few new items.. did I mention not to skip spin? in fact.. go to the gym on your off days as well.. positive energy girl!! Fake it till ya make it..

Ta ta
PS Shelby Girl needs loving.. take that doggy to a park and watch her run around with the kids..

Your biggest fan

PPS Your life rocks!! Your kids may not listen all the time.. or ever.. but they have kind hearts.. and your house may be old.. but it's yours.. and it's a good start.. oh or write to Yared and Theresia.. they have far less than you and they are thankful.. just like you need to be.. listen to God, not Satan..

Monday, March 28, 2011

Positive Energy

My Ayden getting an award at school last month for.. oh my goodness I forget! Bad mommy! It was something to do with kindness as opposed to being for academics.. I think.. but it really doesn't matter what the title says.. he got it cause he's SUPER!! I took the boys bowling on Sunday.. sooo much fun.. my bowling friend behind the counter was like 3 games each? as she was punching in my order.. I'm like NOOOOOO!!! One game each.. yeesh! I'm brave, but not stupid.. one game was perfect for all of us. I'm sure the older two could've played another, but we'll go again.. Frank stayed home.. but ended up coming there and surprising us.. in the tenth frame.. but it was okay.. me and the boys had a blast! I couldn't believe how well Ethan behaved.. I was prepared for a little running around.. running up to bowl when it wasn't his turn.. typical stuff that the other two did at 2 years old.. but oh man.. he sat in his seat calm as a cucumber so long as I let him hold his lime green ball..

"Mama I go?"

"Nooo, it's Gavin's turn."

"Ohhh I go next?"

"Yes baby, you're next."

pretty much every time he wasn't bowling, that was our conversation. lol.. so cute!!

Soo happy I took them even though I was still feeling kinda blah at the time.. I even said to Frank that I was purposefully taking them to make me feel like a good mom.. because if I just let the weeks go by without doing something extra fun with them I start to beat myself up.. this was a win-win for all.. especially since Frank ended up coming but because he showed up as we were finishing.. we all went for ice cream afterwards to fill up his I'm a good daddy quota..

Did I mention I'm in a better, no better than better mood.. I had a long talk with myself and pretty much concluded that I know the man loves me.. and even though he wasn't professing his love in airplane cloud smoke or getting my name tattooed all over his body doing what I had hoped.. I hat to let it go.. I hadn't quite gotten to the point that I HAD let it go.. but I was putting forth great mental effort to make it happen later today.. then.. *knock knock* I'm not really a flower person.. but knowing that he put forth the effort to do something extra to brighten my day released the last bit of negativity within me..

Monday, March 21, 2011

I'm Bored

But that's always much better than being busy!

I have a post (for school) due tonight.. I didn't even read the chapter yet.. I really shouldn't go to spin at 7pm.. but it's my favorite instructor.. and it'll make me feel so much better about having two plates of fettuccine alfredo tonight. ha! I love sweating.. getting all them toxins out.. but the responsible thing to do is my school..

But I already know I'm going to spin and then I'll stay up doing my school work.. *sigh*

I go to work tomorrow.. just don't tell the IRS that.. although I only work 8 hours a week.. so I may not even have to report that.. yeah, we'll go with that one..

I like going to work.. my boss is so excellent.. so polite.. when he asks me to do something he's so "Whenever you get the chance, no rush." He's an almost 74 year old sweety..

Dinners done.. dishes are done.. laundry finally got tackled.. *deep sigh of relief*

Sunday, March 20, 2011

I did something tonight that I swore I'd never do...........

I did my son's book report for him. GASP!!

I teach my kids to be very independent. They walk instead of being carried 90% of the time.. the snacks are located in a convenient spot for them.. they are allowed to climb onto the counters to get something they can't reach.. I make let them get dressed on their own, do their socks, shoes, coats, etc.

Obviously they need to be able to do these things, but my age guidelines seem to differ than most.. but whatever.. call it laziness on my part.. which it definitely is! But I think it's good for them too!

My kids pick up after themselves, make healthy food choices - I may not get the snacks, but I approve them all, and after getting snapped at for trying to eat crap before breakfast enough times, they learn to not even bother asking. They put their clothes away, help me with laundry, take out the trash, get the mail..

Ok, this is starting to sound like I slave my babies.. ha! I don't.. they have plenty of kid time.. but I'll be damned if I'm going to do all the chores.. especially when 70% of MY chores is due to THEIR messes..

But anywho.. where was I going with this post??

Oh yeah, the book report.. yeah so.. another thing about me is I bribe.. Gavin if you watch the baby until my friend leaves, I'll help you with your book report tomorrow.. talk about carrot dangling in front of the horse! He caved of course!

So then today WEEEEE attempted to do his book report and I just could NOT handle him touching it. We built a dog out of brown Legos and he had one vision and I another.. I made him do it my way.. then it was one of those shoe box things.. yeah, I sent him outside while I wrapped it in construction paper.. he asked if he could cut.. and I said no.

He drew a house.. and I told him "Let me try." and of course mine was better so we used that one instead.. in the end.. it's all my work.. I hate being that mom.. I swore I'd never do it.. and I probably won't ever again..

I'm better off at making letting him do his thing.. me telling him what doesn't look so great and to change it making suggestions and then having it be HIS handiwork in the end..

Yeah, I feel bad.. Bad for stealing his thunder.. even though he waited until the final weekend and wasn't interested in doing it all until I took charge.. *did I really just defend my actions?! ugh*

And bad for cheating! I hope the teachers don't realize that the sentences (yeah, did those too) don't sound like him (even though I tried to sound like him).. My dad used to help me all the time.. parents are allowed to help, right? I should've just let Gavin have more say.. even though it wouldn't have been as cool.. KIDDING!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Birthday Blues

Totally hating Frank right now.. okay "hate" is a disgusting word and probably not my true feelings, but anything less evil just doesn't seem appropriate.. He didn't buy me anything for my birthday on Tuesday.. I am so sad about it.. I am not a gift girl.. but on my BIRTHDAY?! He took me out to lunch with the fellas the Sunday beforehand.. which he said was my gift from the boys.. which was fine.. I mean the baby was a nightmare and I didn't really enjoy it (or my meal) but that's besides the point.. it was a nice gift from the boys.. he got me some ugly Under Armor shirt.. which (a) was ugly (b) didn't fit (c) I told him I didn't want and (d) he even said himself it wasn't a real gift, just something little.. oh and (e) he didn't wrap it.. he bought it online and it came the day after my birthday.. did I mention he asked me if I wanted Under Armor gear and I told him "No."???

Then sutten else happened that ticked me off.. but for his privacy I won't go in to specifics..

Annnnd he went and got a tattoo that I hate.. when we first met we got our names tattooed (met in Sept 2001, got name tattoos in Nov 2001, married Dec 2001) on each others stomachs.. in Old English letters arched above our belly buttons.. like how Tommy Lee has "Mayhem" except not that big.. but big enough.. well he went and got two big skulls and a star above my name and two huge roses underneath it.. but the new tattoos are huge and they touch my name.. nothing covered it.. but still.. totally takes away from my name.. and ruined the whole matching tattoos thing.. he wants to say he didn't know I'd be so upset.. that the roses were for me.. blah blah blah..

I wanna punch him in the face..

He's trying to be all nice.. but I just can't stand him right now.. his thing is that he's like I wasn't trying to be mean, I just didn't think about it.. about your feelings.. and my whole thing is HE DIDN'T THINK ABOUT MY FEELINGS! I'm sad.. whaaahh!! lol

Whatever though.. shit fer brains.. I'll get over it.. I don't really hate him.. I just hate that he didn't profess his undying love me by getting balloons and something super great for my birthday and then go get my name tattooed on him a few more times ; )

Friday, March 4, 2011

Exam Anxiety Eek

Studying for my Unit 2 exam tomorrow morning.. I have a gazillion index cards to study.. but in two hours I managed to get half way through them! Talk about a confident booster. Gavin's school called this morning to say his school was closed because of a gas leak.. so he is home today - saving my life by watching Ethan.. I told him he could have video games and tv tonight for helping out.. hopefully Ethan stays quiet for him..

I am still nervous about my exam even though I am doing pretty well with the vocab words.. After I memorize the other 50 cards.. I need to study about 20 charts.. and some other tid bits of info.. but I'll get it done..

I set my alarm for 5am and went to spin class at 5:45 this morning.. I felt amazing until I came home and ate like a piggy.. I had a cup of dry quaker oatmeal squares, a fiber plus bar, 2 blueberry poptarts (slightly toasted.. mmmm!!!) and two whole wheat waffles.. and that was all before 10:30 am! LOL oink oink..

It's my nerves! It really is.. when I get anxious I have to chew.. and not just gum.. I need to rip stuff to shreds with my pearly whites.. ha! Eating totally calms me like a cigarette..

I'm working on it.. but at least it was all healthy.. minus the pop tarts..

Ok.. guess I better get back to studying.. so I can be done at 2:30 when I gotta Ayden.. this was when he comes home he and Gavin can totally chill all day and night.. and I'll burn some of these calories off by cleaning my filthy house.. it really is filthy too..

I gotta:

Dust the whole house
Sweep downstairs
Mop downstairs
Tackle the laundry
Lysol all my quirks
Wipe down the baseboards, walls, doors LOL seriously though.. Ethan touches everything with his chocolate/yogurt/whoknowswhat covered hands
Clean the bathroom
Go through the cabinets in the bathroom (I buy several bottles of toothpaste or shampoo at a time.. then store it above the shower.. and then forget what I have and buy more.. I really need to use what I got first.. ya know.. cause my bank account has like $2.00 in it)

But okay.. I am TOTALLY spazzy right now with my thoughts.. soooo.. lemme get back to studying.. ta ta

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Life Recap

Where we are today...

Gavin is doing much better in school.. he currently has a B in Math.. he's one point away from a B in Science.. he has a C in Language Arts.. and an F in Social Studies.. but aside from Science, nothing has been updated since Feb 10th ish.. and I think once all those grades get entered.. his grades will be even better.. *fingers crossed*

Gavin is growing up so fast.. He's up to my nose already.. maybe even my eyebrows.. lol..

He still has such a great heart.. everyday after school we just sit and talk.. I absolute love it! Gavin is still in little kid mode though.. which I wouldn't have any other way!!! He hasn't hit the I'm-too-cool for this or that stage.. I wish I could keep all my kids at this stage forever.. They are old enough to be left at home (Gavin's age, I mean).. they are totally independent as far as showering, flossing, feeding themselves snack, etc.. yet they are still little kids.. safe and sound under my watchful eye all day.. LOL

Ayden got all Gs in school.. which is the highest he could get so we tell him he got straight As.. he's a smarty pants for sure.. he is very independent.. he is totally content being left alone and doing his own thing.. I seem to spend the least amount of time with Ayden.. the baby requires so much attention.. and then Gavin is about to hit a very venerable stage where his peers play such a large role that I am constantly giving him talks about drugs and drinking.. and then with his grades being so poor lately, I've been talking to him about his future..

I make sure Ayden gets extra hugs and kisses because that is definitely his love language.. he is content being alone for an hour or so, but then he wants physical love and to be told we missed him.. hehe.. so cute.. I think when Ayden turns 8ish he and I will have special talks like me and Gavin too.. it's that age that they get so curious.. it's as if parents are the internet.. the children just spew off question after question (googling) and we answer them.. I love being the #1 source of information for my kids.. they are like sponges..

Ethan is still a handful.. but it's certainly easier than when he was younger.. I know he's safe for the most part.. I can't wait for another year or two when he'll be less inclined to do dangerous things.. I joined the gym a few months ago and Ethan loved the "play room" there.. but then out of nowhere he got freaked and now wants nothing to do with it.. unless I bring the other two.. I don't think anything happened.. it just got old and he realized that I was leaving him.. which sorta stinks because going in the morning is so much more convenient for me than taking all 3 after dinner.. but whatever.. I just hope he is okay going to preK next year..

Ethan is a smarty pants like his brothers.. he speaks in full sentences and amazes all of us with what he understands.. bossy little thing too.. if he has to go potty or get a fork.. he'll tell whoever is in the room "No touch my pancakes." as he leaves the table.. or "No touch my toys." The other day he was building blocks and was like "Ma come! I build a bird house!" I didn't even know he knew what a bird house was.. let alone he really did build one.. with a hole and all..

Frank is doing awesome.. he really enjoys his job and the people he works with which is very important.. especially for Frank.. if he doesn't like his job.. he tends to get.. I don't wanna say "depressed", but that's pretty much what it is.. and then the whole ora of the house is negative.. but for the past few months it's been bliss.. I am so happy that he is happy..

Me.. I'm going pretty great too.. I'm taking my last two classes and then I get my Associates degree in Business.. it's been a very long time coming.. the semester ends May 10 and I just can NOT wait!!!!!! This will be the first summer since high school that I won't be working or taking classes.. well.. I will still be working for Carmen.. but that's only 8hrs a week and it's so lax.. that it doesn't even really count.. I can't wait to have my children 24/7... open our pool.. send them outside.. bike rides.. sprayground.. boardwalk.. beach..

I'll basically have all of May and June to prepare for what we are going to do.. awesome..

I better get to studying though.. I have a Unit Exam in 2 days and I haven't even opened my book yet.. eek!

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Feeling Blah

Pardon the Bi-Polar-ness of my mind.. I've been "diagnosed" by my father (truck driver NOT dr.. and a captain I had in the Army.. no wait.. he thought I had Grave's disease.. however you spell it.. and he wasn't a dr either) um, so yeah.. ha!

I am a complete mess lately right now.. I had a few really good weeks.. I was chill.. not pigging out all day every day.. I wasn't getting bothered by the normal things that kids do.. it was so nice!! Then two weeks ago I just fell back into my old ways.. eating like I wasn't going to see food ever again.. screaming at the kids like an absolute lunatic.. I gave them all spankings instead of taking things away or giving them chores like I'd much rather.. then because of these actions I am drowning in guilt and failure-ness..

It totally sucks ass..

I need a mind, body, and soul detox.. I really do.

Playroom Tears & Under Armor Mishaps

Frank was supposed to get a tattoo worked on today.. and the guy cancelled..

I was supposed to go to dinner with some friends.. and it just got cancelled too..

Which means.. Frank's a bit richer.. and I don't have to get dressed today ; )

Frank took Ayden to Marshalls to get him some new kicks.. and maybe some Under Armor if they have some on clearance.. speaking of.. Frank ordered himself an UA shirt off ebay and after 10 days it finally came.. except instead of being a Lg mens shirt.. it was a Sm womans shorts.. haha.. Later on in the day I was like "Soooo whatcha gettin me for my birthday?" (march 8th) and he goes "Under Armor." as if that was my present.. ha! Reminds me of the Simpsons when Homer bought Marge a bowling ball that said Homer on it.. or was that The Flintstones?!?!? maybe it was both..

Guess I should get off my butt and straighten up.. and do laundry.. went to the gym this morning.. Ethan wouldn't let me leave him last Thursday so I missed spin class.. so I figured I'd take him this morning when I didn't have a class to miss to see how he did after all my pep talks about being a good boy and letting mama go to the gym and bribing him with chocolate covered marshmallows for breakfast blah blah blah..

he cried.. but after we played and did a puzzle I said I'd be right back and left.. I watched him from the TV upstairs until he stopped crying a few minutes later..

I ran 20 minutes on the tread.. 7.0 speed for 1.5 miles.. then 5 incline for a lap.. then sprinted at a 9 for the last 1/4 lap..

Monday, February 21, 2011

Morning cleanses my soul... I truly, whole-heartedly LOVE what morning does for me.. especially when I set my alarm so I can wake up before the boys and enjoy dark silence.. no lights on.. no tvs.. no.. nothing.. it is bliss...

I feel rejuvenated.. like I can do anything.. like I could be whoever I want to be.. and I can! That's the best part.. I could make today the day that I stop being so impatient.. and controlling.. and lazy.. or I could make today be the day that I choose to not walk in God's shadow and instead do things that I am certain will make me feel sad.. and guilty..

Morning is my fork in the road.. and today I choose to put my ALL into following God's way.


On a completely different note.. I have to catch up on a few stories I want to always remember.. and putting them off until "tomorrow" is not what I plan to do.. again..

St. Valentine's Day was wonderful.. no fancy dinner.. just extra special lovings.. and poems.. and ridiculously overpriced fruit..

I have straight up told hinted at Frank to buy me an Edible Delights fruit in the shape of flowers thingamajig for years now quite some time.. and he hasn't ever gotten me it.. so when he asked me this year "What do you want for Valentine's Day?" I told him exactly what I wanted.
And he got me it.. even thought it was $ 120.00 astronomically overpriced.. We were dying laughing over the insaneness of it all as the five of us chowed down on it.. I started breaking it all down aloud, but Frank's stomach couldn't handle it.. LOL..

Here's what I figure was included:

1 melon, 1 cantaloupe, 2 bananas, 1/2 pineapple, 25 grapes, and 1 apple

I could get that and the chocolate for a 6th of what he paid.. *sigh* Never again.. thank you Frank for thinking I'm worth it.. and thank you for making me no longer ever want that again.

$7.00 daisies at the grocery store and cream filled chocolates suit me JUST FINE!!



Ask demand and throw a fit for pasta at 7am and ye shall receive.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Time to Revamp the Soul

My house is a mess
I should clean it up
I'd feel so much better
Ate like a pig today
Went food shopping on an empty tummy
Caved to candy at the register
And ate even more when I got home
I NEED a detox
I need motivation
I need will power
I need to pray more
I need to meditate more
Been going to spin class couple of times of week
Makes me feel amazing!
Been not letting the boys get away with being brats
Should've done that years ago
I don't set things up for them enough
They have too much free time
Which equals plenty of time for trouble!
I've got to get my mind in the right place
Stop being so lazy
What happened to me?
I was always on the go go go!
I do like being less stressed and more relaxed
My goal is to relax AFTER my chores are done
That. would. be. BLISS.
Wonder if I will ever become the girl I feel I was meant to be
The thin, firm, yoga, meditator, calm speaker, peaceful person.
I need a body, mind, and soul detox.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Ethan playing upstairs

Nightmare On Elm Street right now.. my street being Elm!.. which it isn't but I'm not going to put what it's really called.. I mean with ALL my followers.. someone would be knocking my door down any moment.. oh wait.. Ethan already did that today!!!!!

Ya wanna know what else the monster Ethan did today?

Took Gavin's volcano lamp and dumped all the water out - onto Gavin's bed! Awesome.. now I have to wash a comforter, towels, and sheet.. in addition to all the chores I am supposed to get today.. which I haven't even begun.. because I been on the couch all day..

BUT in my defense.. I've been successfully researching the NJ ASK test and found sample tests listing all the material to be covered.. I then saved the information and emailed it to my local Staples store for them to print off for me. SCORE!

But yeah, back to my nightmare... he took the boys' dirty hamper and scattered all the dirty clothes all over the boys' room.. then flipped the hamper upside down and used it to reach Gavin's top shelf which is where he keeps all his prized possessions.. the shelf is now empty. eek.

He went into my room even though I shut my door and told him not to.. he ate some candy left over from St. Valentine's Day.. and opened up a pack of stickers and foam pads my mom bought for all three boys..

So I then LOCKED my door and closed it.. it's one of those locks that can be opened by anything like a flathead screwdriver.. well, when I went to check on him ten minutes later.. my door was open.. I thought he figured out how to unlock it.. nope.. he just friggen busted it open!

Now my bedroom door won't even close, let alone lock.. awesome!!

He got butt naked.. but that's really nothing too out of the ordinary for him..

Ugh.. what a nightmare..


Totally ate a gazillion calories today too.. I have a unit exam due tonight.. so I'm kinda stressed over that.. I don't know.. I am feeling very discombobulated today.. I should've went to spin class.. it would've woken my butt up (I'm still in my glasses and PJs) I most likely would not have eaten all the crap I did.. and I would be up and motivated to get my chores done.. instead of sitting here in this messy messy house..

But lemme stop whining and get my butt up and cleaning.. even though I just wanna sit here and do nothing.. hmph!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Operation Overcome Laziness

Went through some old diaries the other day.. what a hysterical trip down memory lane.. I found one year's resolutions.. and all I can say is I am so very thankful that I am no longer in that girl's shoes.. she was a very unhealthy and unhappy person..

I feel pretty good about myself these days.. but I think that has a lot to do with self-acceptance.. and focusing on the good and not the bad..

I do have one self-destructing habit that I just can't ignore though.. I don't know whether to call it laziness or procrastination.. it's both really.. I'm so lazy, until I barely have enough time to accomplish the task and then I go into a frenzy - and usually bring the boys with me - trying to get everything done on time.. whether it be cleaning the house when Frank calls and says he's on the way home.. or chilling all day and then at 7pm rushing to get the boys bathed, nails cut, uniforms ironed, homework checked, etc..

I keep putting laundry off.. and then today I woke up and I have two clean baskets full of cleaned, folded clothes that need to be put away - the two baskets probably contain 5 or 6 tub loads of laundry! And of course the dirty baskets are overflowing as well..

Let alone I haven't done much cleaning at all because I had a Unit exam for school yesterday and my procrastination meant I didn't even open my book until Friday.. so all day Friday and Saturday.. I let the kids do whatever they wanted while I studied.. and my house looks like it.. sticky kitchen floors, cereal on the parlor floor, toys everywhere.. counters covered in whatever everyone felt like not putting away and just dropped it there instead.. totally a pet peeve of mine..

Yeah so.. point is.. I'm lazy.. and I wait until the last minute.. and my life is chaos breeding more chaos.. So that's my new life mission - to get my butt in gear and stop putting chores off until the last minute..

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Love for my men

I have four a few mimosas in me.. feeling quite loved.. and bored.. ha! So I thought I'd express the love I have for the four fellas in my life..

Gavin - you are so wonderful! You come home from school every day and hover around me.. you don't want to do anything except follow me around.. asking me how my day went.. and telling me about yours.. I absolutely LOVE that you do this. When you all are grown.. and I look back on the things I miss.. this will certainly be one of my fondest memories.. hands down.. thank you for loving me so much..

You may be failing school at the moment.. but maybe it was meant to be.. I was planning on transfering you and Ayden to a new school next year.. and because of your grades I started second guessing myself and picking the brains of everyone I talk to.. to the point where I think our public school district may not be so bad after all.. maybe it was meant to be.. or maybe I'm just a few sheets to the wind


Dearest Ayden,

I am thinking that we need to hang out more.. alone, just me and you.. I know we went to the movies last night (Gnomio & Juliet) but that doesn't really count since we didn't talk too much.. I want to spend more time talking and listening to you.. you don't seem to want to hang out with me like Gavin does.. but maybe I'll lure you in with some super fun arts & crafts.. ; ) I know you love them..

I can't wait for the summer so we can all be together all day every day!

You got the highest marks possible on your report card this marking period - hence movie night.. and your teacher says that you are very kind and very smart.. I love you so much Ayden.. you are such an awesome kid!


Ethan Ethan Ethan.. you are such a mama's boy.. you want to "Sit lap Mama?" all day long.. well, other than when you are being a sneaky little monster.. ; ) You have started to talk SO MUCH lately.. you have been saying words for a while now.. but you've moved on to sentences and it just seemed to come out of left field! I love that you are getting bigger, but at the same time, I wish you'd stay little for ever!! I can't wait to see you evolve even more.. love you my baby..


Frankie Frankie.. my Luos for Life.. oh babe.. I just love you so much.. thank you for being willing to sacrifice so much.. you have changed so much of who you were.. to better suit the needs of the family.. and the results have so been worth it!! Thank you for sending me sweet loving texts every day for the past ten years.. they saturate me with love.. we ran off and eloped without really knowing what we were getting ourselves into.. and luckily it was the Lord's plan and it all worked out.. I love you more than I thought was possible! Thank you for all your sacrifices.. you will always be my Luos.. the one and only..


Dear dad.. since I'm giving shout outs to the men in my life.. let me give you one as well.. growing up you were my #1 hero.. the one and only.. even after I married Frank.. you were the #1 guy in my life.. eventually that changed, but I know you are glad it did.. I hope you are looking down on me and the boys.. I hope you see how well Frank is taking care of us.. I hope I make you proud Seeds.. I may not talk to you often.. but that doesn't mean I don't think about you often! I wonder what it's like on the other side.. I hope you are in heaven.. or on your way.. and I will do everything in my powers to meet you there! Love you dad.. always & forever..