Thursday, September 30, 2010

A Little Realness

this is my fake blog.. ha! it really is.. I only write the good stuff on here because it's not private..

My other one is too viscous though.. Frank's unemployment ran out 9 or 10 weeks ago.. and I did great being supportive for a while.. but the past two weeks have not been pleasant.. at all..

I'm pretty good about not fighting in front of the kids.. not that we even hardly argue.. but if I'm cranky or he is one day.. I usually just stay mute to defuse the situation and a few minutes later.. it's all good..

But not lately.. I'm screaming at the kids.. truth be told.. I'm even cursing.. If Frank pisses me off even a little bit.. I bring up his unemployment.. which he's already bummed about.. and it's not like he's not looking.. I just get ticked he's not looking more!

Then I regret it.. and he totally forgives me because he feels he put us in this shitty situation.. but I hate adding to his stress..

*sigh*

It's been a rough two years.. that's how long he was on unemployment.. he thought it'd be sooooo easy to get a job.. I am pretty sour about it all.. I so want to go off on him right now.. not in person.. just on the blog.. but.. his mother reads this for updates on the kids.. lol.. (Hi Carol! Thanks for helping us out!)

And then it's like.. why fight and stress because it is going to end soon.. it's to the point where if he needs to take two jobs that pay crap.. he will.. but I don't think it'll come to that.. he drove trucks at his last job.. and he's been doing construction for ever.. so I'm sure he'll find something along those lines.. although I thought that for the past two months..

I just don't want it to be like.. he gets a job and then I'm like .. oh, well in that case I'll be nice again.. I want to be nice even when the bad times are here..

I can't wait to see what God has for our future.. I really hope it's not a crap job.. I'd hate for him to have to commute an hour away.. or make crap pay that doesn't make it worth his time.. He'll take anything that pays the bills.. I just want him to have some left over being as he's going to be working his tail off for it.. am I asking too much? So many people are dealing with true tragedies and I want Frank's commute to be comfortable and for him to not only pay the bills, but have extra money too..

I don't pray often.. I just don't get it.. How can I possibly feel comfortable asking God for anything when so many people have it so much worse.. like how dare I ask for MORE than I already have? Plus, another thing I don't get is.. God has it all figured out.. He has a plan for us.. so why ask for favors.. when maybe what I should be doing is waiting patiently for His plan to play out, no? yeah.. I don't get that.. plus.. what do you say?!? All I ever say is Thank You.. and then I list what I'm thankful for.. anywho.. I should get some rest..

Happy October Eve!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 comments:

  1. you pray as if it is your dearest friend sitting right next to you. no fancy wording needed or special anything. you tell Him about your day. tell Him what you're happy about, sad about, worried about, laughing about. even though He already knows, He wants YOU to tell him about it. He wants to be your friend that you vent to when no one else will truly understand what you are going through. He wants to be the one you run to, when it's good OR bad. He wants you to never stop asking Him because all good and perfect gifts come from Him! and it doesn't matter how long it's been since you've talked, He's always ready to listen :) praying for you today mama!

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  2. I used to think the same way, that it was ridiculous to pray for certain things because there are so many people in the world with worse problems. What I learned, though, is that God cares. He really, truly cares about the little details. He cares about your man's commute, He cares that you not only "get by" but have enough to enjoy some little extras. And fact is, He is BIG enough to care about our little stuff and still care about poverty and homelessness and cancer.
    As for the plan. You better believe He has a plan! And His hope is for us to join Him in His plan. He wants us to desire what He desires (and changing our hearts only comes out of a relationship with Him). He wants us to cooperate with Him in His plans. He wants to "do life" with us.
    So keep on praying, girlfriend! God LOVES IT when His daughters talk to Him about what's going on in their lives.

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