I wonder if in like 20 years I will be the girl (well, woman) that I dream of being today.. like will I one day wake up and take better care of myself and even more importantly feel better about myself.. and if so how bad will it suck that I wasted so many years procrastinating.. or will I never know what it feels like to be that girl..
the girl who wakes up early and makes herself some healthy herbal tea with lemon and honey and then sits outside and talks to God.. then she wakes her family up and shows them patience and kindness and love all day long.. then she cleans her house and does whatever it is she does.. I mean I don't know what YOUR success is.. but mine is to be closer to God, to live off the foods He has given to us, and to make Him proud of me every day..
I am really bummed that I let myself waste the past year and a half.. me and Frank both.. he's been unemployed and we both kinda just let ourselves go.. we hardly ever ever ever leave the house.. we're not grumpy or anything.. I mean it's a pretty cool environment in our house.. but we used to both be active and now.. total frumps.. and that affects your mood.. it really does..
But enough with me complaining.. I thought maybe I shouldn't write about this because I want to be able to look back at this blog and just have happy memories of the boys and me and Frank.. but as superficial as this seems.. it really is important.. it's important to be healthy.. and to feel proud of your accomplishments on any given day.. if you lay around all day.. ya kinda go to bed feeling like a loser.. not that IIIII would know *cough cough* anything about that.. I just heard that from other people..
So once again I will strive for today, now in fact, to be my rebirth.. the day I let the lazy blah Nicole die a quick painless death.. and in her ashes will be reborn a vibrant, fresh, go getter who accomplishes most, if not all, of the tasks she writes on her pretty little To Do Lists every morning.. now if I can just find that lighter..
On a lighter (ah "lighter" get it?! haha!!!) note.. the baby is growing up waaaaay too quickly.. I swear he said like 15 new words today!! I'm so sad.. I don't want to be done with babies.. although since I'm not having any more and he's growing up.. I'm ganna be there quicker than I'd like.. but yeah he totally said "dude" today after I said it in a loud singing voice to my friend Jaime.. I was like "DUUUUUUUUDE" and he repeated me with a "dooooo." He also said "family" when Laurie Berkner came on with the song "family".. he said "faaa" every time the song and I sang the word "family" he also sang two other words from other songs..
I actually teared up to Frank about being sad that I'm done with raising babies.. I'm only 31.. and newly 31 at that I might add.. but we have 3 and really I can't deal with any more.. plus we don't want to cram them into rooms together.. plus my truck is only a 5 seater.. oh, and the fact that I don't want any more kids ordering me around all day for food or drinks or get me this or get me that.. so um yeah.. we're done.. but it's sad.. I so want to be pregnant and I really want to name a few more babies.. ha! But I don't wanna get up with them or raise them..
Oh I totally jinxed myself the other day when I posted that getting a cute normal pic of the older two was hard, but that the baby was so easy to photograph.. yeah okaaaaay.. all of sudden he started squinting his eyes whenever I put a camera in front of his face.. It probably would be that bad if there was any kind of variation.. but this is the only face I'm getting lately..
haha.. total goofball..