Saturday, February 27, 2010

227 is my TODAY

It's my dad's birthday.. he would have been 62.. he passed away at 58.. lung cancer.. and then it spread to the arteries around his heart.. he smoked 3 packs of Kool filtered Kings a day.. although he went and did his chemo with a woman who also had lung cancer and never smoked a day in her life.. she ran everyday.. my father never ran.. so I know that he could have gotten it even if he didn't smoke.. buuuuut smoking THREE packs a day HAD to contribute.. it had to..

Anywho.. today is his birthday.. "227" .. he used to call me "Girl Child".. he was a funny man.. I have two older brothers.. and then it's just me - Girl Child.. so that's where my web addy came from.. and several email addresses.. anywho..

I'm thinking TODAY is a fabulous.. perfect, in fact.. day to start doing.. and stop planning/talking.. I have several obsessions.. one of which is planning.. I make lists everyday.. I plan out our meals for the week.. etc.. but really I don't follow thru with them as much as I'd like.. in fact.. truth be told.. more than half of the items on the list never make it to reality.. they just linger in the planning stage (aka fantasy land).. but no more..

Let TODAY be my tomorrow.. let TODAY be the day that I do my schoolwork instead of putting it off until "tomorrow".. let TODAY be the day that I begin to pray.. alone and with my boys.. instead of starting fresh "tomorrow".. let TODAY be the day that I stop feeling guilty, sad, and bummed.. that I didn't do what I wanted to do (ie, exercise, eat healthy, cook a yummy healthy meal for my family... and so much more)

It's HARD.. I mean, I am not up and "doing" something.. NOPE, I am sitting on my tush "planning" it out.. but that's okay so long as the doing quickly follows.. and I'm pretty confident it will..

I want to start:

1. Going for walks with the kids and dog every day

2. Stop buying and eating over-processed junk food

3. Eating a diet largely consisting of fruits, veggies, and whole grains

4. Praying every day and night.. meaningful deep prayer full of confidence

5. Going to church every single Sunday.. no matter what

6. Listening to my children more, playing with them more, and shooing them away less

7. Cooking yummy healthy meals every night for dinner

8. Being more Christlike (helping others, being kinder)

9. Moving my body more

10. Completing my To Do Lists

Ten months left in the year.. 10 great goals.. coincidence?? I think not.. *)

I can pick one a month and by the end of the year.. I will be in a MUCH better mental state..

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Gypsy Soul

It's snowing here in Jersey.. again.. I cannot believe its actually sticking.. it snowed tons and then JUST started to melt for the past three days or so.. so everything was a mess mess.. everything.. I woke up this morning at 5am from the school calling to tell us that there'd be early dismissals and no aftercare.. my single mom friend has been missing so much work lately because of school cancellations and I knew she'd have to call out again if her daughter was getting out early with no aftercare.. so I texted her that I'd watch her BUT that she had to drop her off here INSTEAD of school.. I had already decided that early dismissal was going to mess up my schedule too much.. I have the baby home with me all day and getting the older two already takes an hour.. but early dismal times would mean two trips out.. and getting Ariana (her daughter) would mean THREE.. I think not.

So the five of us are safe and sound in our heated home.. trying REALLY hard to NOT complain about the weather.. It is really pretty.. and the other day I saw a commercial for some Christmas movie about to come out on DVD and I actually thought "I can't wait for Christmas!" I just LOVE LOVE LOVE Hallmark movies at Christmas time.. I have officially and undoubtedly become my mother!! But that's okay too because she rocks!

I talked to Gavin about how I want to start praying with them before bed.. It was a bit awkward for me to suggest it and he looked a bit awkward as he agreed to it.. but that's just because it's foreign to us.. after a month it'll be easy cheesy.. I really want to start teaching the boys about God.. even though I am not really sure what I even believe about Him..

I believe that God created us.. and I believe that He has given me the best life ever.. even though I don't think I deserve it.. at all.. but I'm not sure I believe in "heaven".. I would love it if it were true..

My problem is I'm afraid my soul will be broken.. I live in FEAR of this.. that God will take one of my children somehow: illness, accident, kidnapping.. I thought about it the other night and this is what I came to.. People who believe in heaven have so much faith that they aren't as afraid as I am to lose their children because they believe that they will be with God and that they will live in His paradise.. and I picture their "soul" as being this softball-sized thick, unbreakable, ball.. but my soul (because I don't believe in heaven) is this softball-sized, super thin, easily broken glass ball..

OH BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The baby pooped.. and I just asked Gavin to run up and get me more diapers.. yeah.. I have like FOUR left.. I have never.. in 11 years of being a mother.. ran out of diapers.. I mean, I have four left.. but hellooooo.. it's a snow storm out there.. bummerrrr...

I should go now before it gets worse.. crap.. bummer.. dang it!!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Ben Franklin

I am taking an American Literature course this semester and am LOVING it.. I saved these two English classes for the very end (the other is a composition writing class which actually aint so bad either) because I dread writing. I think I am actually okay at it, it just freaks me out to be critiqued on it. Anywho last night I had to read about Ben Franklin and his almanacs.. he really is fascinating. He has a gazillion little quotes that essentially say.. don't be lazy and use your time wisely and he was also big on not spending and saving it all for a rainy day.

The one that I can't get out of mind is.. "the morning sun doesn't last all day"

Meaning, even if you think times are so wonderful (the morning sun) and you can afford to buy something a bit lavished, just be ware that it is likely that times won't seem as sunny soon enough and you'll be regretting the purchase..

Now, I'm really NOT a spender.. I pay all the bills AND THEN anything extra (which is very little) is up for grabs.. So I guess, I'm NOT a spender because I have nothing to spend? haha.. anywho..

I don't care about his message about being frugal because it doesn't really pertain to me.. but I love that he compared it to the morning sun not lasting all day.. I love it!!

The part that DID pertain to me (and Frank *couch cough*) is the part about wasting time.. I could be soooo much more productive during the day.. not even going too far crazy.. just take some of my boring blah time and do something productive and reap the rewards of having accomplished something at the end of the day instead of regretting the fact that I got nothing done..

So I woke up today with a plan.. and I did a bunch of stuff in only a short amount of time.. I was done with my chores at noon.. wanna hear what I did.. huh huh.. wanna??

IIIIIIIIIIIIII...

Cleaned out my freezer.. we exploded a soda in there forever ago.. and I wiped most of it out.. but some has been just sitting there.. yeah gross, I know.. but today.. I cleaned her out and got rid of some food that had just been sitting in there.. I feel so much better for having done it. And I straightened out the fridge and wiped that down a bit too since I was there..

Did all the laundry..

Wiped down all my cabinets with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.. and wiped down all the woodwork trim..

Made spaghetti sauce for dinner.. (I added in meatless meatballs.. I wonder if the kids or Frank will notice.. they don't know I bought them.. I'm hoping since I added them in the sauce so early, that they'll just taste like my sauce *fingers crossed*)

Well, I guess that's it aside from the normal stuff like taking care of Ethan and stuff.. seemed like a bunch more at the time.. *)

Random thought, but I went to go get Ethan this morning and he was locked in his room.. apparently Ayden and his friend were playing in there yesterday.. I had to have Frank open it because me trying a screwdriver and credit card did nothing..

The snow is trying to melt.. thank goodness.. we're expecting rain/snow for the next FIVE days.. then a three day break from it.. then another two more of the slush misxture.. yuk.. and who knows after that.. that's just how far out the weather channel predicted..

I can't wait to be able to take my doggy for a walk and walk to pick up the boys.. and take the kiddies to the park and the beach and the boardwalk.. and open my doors and windows.. I am going to appreciate the winter while it's here because thats more time I have to tone up my body for the warmer weather.. but man oh man.. I am going to cherish every day of warmth too!!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Saint Valentine's Day

I had the best Valentine’s Day ever this year.. Frank definitely needs help in the gift buying department, but that’s not what makes the holiday for me.. what I love to get is him telling me he loves me.. preferably in ink so I can remember it always and reread it and feel just as loved as when I read it the first time..

I got a very kind and loving card.. and he wrote the sweetest message inside.. so I was pretty much sold there.. but the entire day he was trying to please me which is pretty rare for him.. he always wants to make sure I’m ok.. but he tends to focus on himself a lot.. and the entire day was just dedicated to me.. even though we didn’t really do much.. just hung out around the house..

We did our dinner last night at a hibachi place around here.. I love it.. we went to my favorite restaurant and had the table all to ourselves due to the weather.. (hibachi is a huge table where a bunch of people sit together and the guy cooks right on your table and throws shrimp in your mouth and catches things in his hat.. its a blast!)

Did I mention Frank needs help in the gift buying department?? I mean I hinted for him to get me a bouquet of fruits (those edible delights) but I was speaking to deaf ears apparently.. instead I got lip gloss and a book about a serial killer.. sigh.. LMBO.. sigh

It was Dearly Devoted Dexter.. and we do watch every season together.. but.. maybe not the best gift for Valentine’s Day babe.. the lip gloss cracks me up.. he described how clueless he was in Target and how he found himself in the makeup section not even knowing what half the stuff was with women looking at him.. what a pip..

My birthday is coming up and I decided to nix the “hints” and just tell him what I wanted (still the fruit bouquet) in fact.. I even showed him the exact bouquet I want him to buy me..

SCORE!!

My presents to him were an alarm clock (kind of a gag gift because he hates waking up.. but he did really need one so..) and I got him weight lifting gloves because he was saying how he lost one.. and then I took him out to dinner.. even though I don’t work.. so technically HE bought me dinner.. yep, the best Valentine’s Day ever.. mostly because of the message he wrote me in the card.. He really lurves me..

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

My Nasty Ayden

I was showing my mom pictures on my computer tonight and she reminded me of a HYSTERICAL story.. I must share.. even though it's kinda foul.. but first the picture:




Do you see Ayden's face?? He is alwaaaaays making silly faces and poses.. like seriously always.. so anywho this was the scene of our backyard last summer.. mind you we have a pool.. but for some reason or other the kids thought this would be funner (more fun) and it was so much easier for me to watch the three of them.. u do see ethan in the blue one right? And that is Allie, a family friend I sat for for the summer.. anywho..

Ayden is typically fresh.. not super rude.. but sassy, if you will.. so he pretty much winds up in time out every day.. not really even as a "punishment" per se, more of a "sit down, stay still, and breathe child.. and most importantly.. chilllll out!"

So when he went in time out during our ghetto pool time.. I just sat him on the steps right there.. Allie then said "Machole (that's how she says Nicole.. sooo cute!) can I go in Ayden's?"

I look at Ayden and smirk.. and say "Of course you can Allie!"

Ayden made a puss, crossed his arms and loudly says "Oh yeah! Well I peed in there!" oh boy..

Allie and me look at each other in utter disgust..

Allie says "I don't LIKE fibbers!" and looks to me for approval of her "adult language"..

And before I can think Ayden loudly declares "No really! I did! I peed in there!"

How did I ever forget that story?! And that is why I will keep this blog.. (and stop deleting posts that I go back and reread and decide I no longer like)

And a last PS.. just to let you know.. there is no doubt in my mind that he did in fact pee in the tub.. there was too much emotion to have been a fib.. and that's just not his style anyway.. fibbing that is.. because apparently sitting in a tub of his own urine IS his style.. blehck.. told ya it was foul..

~Tootles~

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Mary Rowlandson's Inspiration

I had a talk with God last night.. I read about Mary Rowlandson and how she was captured by the Indians.. and they shot her and her 6.5 yo daughter.. she survived, but her daughter did not.. I had to stop reading right about that time because the tears were cascading down my face.. I picked it back up and finished it though.. It was so inspirational.. she was such a good follower of God.. it made my complaints about Frank or the house seem beyond ridiculous..

I tried to stay focused on God during our little chat.. but I did drift off to thinking about my children and my husband as well.. and I realized Frank is the best man I've ever met.. I tend to focus on his habit of sleeping late (or waking up early, but then napping) and you know what.. so what?! My one friend always says I'm a saint and that she could not put up with that.. but it actually works out pretty well for us.. When he's sleeping, I kind of chill.. or I clean.. or whatever.. then when he wakes up.. he's oftentimes ready to take over.. then I get to really chill.. whether I hide up in my room for an hour.. or run out to Target.. or whatever I want.. plus he does a decent amount of chores.. and most importantly.. he treats me like I am the most beautiful thing he's ever seen almost all the time.. and he plays with the boys for hours on end almost every week..

Other husbands may wake up and be uber productive with fixing the house up.. but I doubt they are as romantic or complimentary as my Frank.. and if they are, so be it.. great! I wish everyone was as sweet as him.. but the point is.. I love my husband and I need to stop focusing on his flaws.. he is not sweet all the time.. he is not in the mood to play with the boys all the time.. he doesn't help with chores all the time.. but that's okay.. because more often than not.. he does.. oh and he's super hot! *)

I want to better myself.. I want to stop cursing, stop gossiping, stop being short tempered.. I want to read my Bible every night.. and pray a couple of times a day.. and stop skipping mass.. I want to teach my boys about God.. and I want to take better care of my mind, body, and soul.. I want to be a better person for myself and my family, but most importantly, for God..

I am kind of bored.. I don't know what to do with my time.. Frank's still sleeping (11:11am touch blue and make a wish) Ayden's watching cartoons, the baby's upstairs for a nap.. the house is pretty clean.. I ate 2 (not the usual four) pieces of french toast for breakfast.. and had some OJ too.. I guess I'll see if Ayden wants to eat and hang out for a bit.. yes yes.. that would be the best use of my time right now..

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Guilt Be Gone

I’m lying in bed with guilt and oddly enough, it seems unfamiliar. I have had such a positive and productive week.. this guilt is really putting a cramp in my style.. but it makes me appreciate laying in bed NOT having guilt all the more. Man oh man, do I ever want to NOT have guilt tomorrow night.

Food is one contributing factor, not exercising is another, and not doing my schoolwork is the icing on the cake.

My stomach has physical.. not “pains” per se.. but a queasy feeling that is not in my mind. I have physical discomfort associated with guilt.. ugh.. not cool.. and so easily solved.. I am all over it.. you watch and see.. no more guilt for me..

Childhood

I know I talk about food all the time.. but that's how my brain currently operates.. I wish that weren't the case, but it is. And it has been for more than half my life.. I am in a MUCH healthier place than I ever have been before.. so progress is the name of MY game..

Sooo.. totally ate like crap for the past two days.. I ate great for about 4 days or so.. and worked out on those days too.. but the past two days have gone to the dogs.

I had a pretty decent dinner.. I had a baked potato with tons of sour cream and salsa, string beans w/ salt, and garlic bread.. ok, maybe not the best dinner, but could've been worse.. oh and I drank a tall glass of Pom Pom.. pomegranate and blue berry juice.. yummers! It'll give you sticker shock for sure, but super healthy..

I am currently drowning in schoolwork.. and with my mom spending an extra night due to the blizzard.. and the kids having off today and tomorrow because of the weather as well.. and THEN they have off Friday and Monday because of Presidents Day.. ughhh.. I'm finding it hard to find (A) the time and (B) a quiet place to focus on my school.. I'm just ganna hope that I can put it off another day and then go full force and get it all done.. on time..

I really wish my camera didn't break.. I need to buy a new one.. but money is tight.. and I promised myself I'd stop using the credit cards so I can get those paid off in a decent amount of time..

You should see the view from my couch.. it's dark out now.. but a little bit ago it was the most beautiful sight I've ever seen.. no lie.. the familiarness of the houses and my neighbors car draped in fluffy snow.. hardly anything was showing.. the branches were sooooo pretty covered in snow.. leaning over so much because of the weight.. true winter wonderland.. it hasn't snowed this much in many years.. at least not all at once..

Frank's took the boys out this afternoon.. and then they came in for a few hours and went back out after we ate dinner.. two boys playing in the snow with their dad in the dark.. I hope they remember this day for the rest of their lives.. I think it's so awesome how he "plays" with them.. in the summer its the pool.. and he goes in there for HOURS with them.. all day and again when it gets dark.. throwing them up.. doing jumps so they laugh.. splashing and making waves.. our boys are so lucky.. I hope they appreciate their childhood..

So many people grow up and only remember the bad times.. that's so sad to me.. my kids hardly have any bad times.. I mean they get yelled out, but hardly ever punished.. and when they do it's usually fairly short and simple.. we try our best to let them feel free to be kids, but we are firm on certain rules.. mainly just being respectful.. to each other.. and to us.. of course they have to do their homework and clean up after themselves.. but that usually takes quite a bit of ordering to get that last one done.. but that's okay.. they're good kids..

Well, lemme get off the computer and get something done..

Monday, February 8, 2010

Moles & Danishes

So it's been three days or so since I started putting real effort into my health.. and I feel so great already. I've been doing 100 situps, 15 pushups, and some leg exercises before bed and it may not seem like a lot (because it isn't really) but I feel a big difference..

Well, I noticed on Saturday night that Gavin's mole.. pardon the all-over-the-place lingo.. this is how I function.. anywho.. backtrack.. Gavin grew a mole out of nowhere in the summer of 2006.. well, I guess it was growing 6 months prior.. but come May 06' I took him and had it removed purely for cosmetic reasons because I wasn't a fan of my son having a mole on the side of his head.. well, they sent it out and it came back severely aggressive A-typical mole.. or whatever fancy wordage they used.. anywho.. we took him to a surgeon who came recommended by a woman at my mom's work.. well, he took a big chunk out of Gavin's head and said that he got it all.. and that the odds of him having another cancerous mole was rare..

Fast forward a few years and we in February 2009.. Gavin's been growing his hair out so I don't notice his "bald spot" as often as I did when I was cutting his hair every month or so.. The last time I probably saw it was about six months ago because his hair covers it up.. and would do I see when I checked it out on Saturday?? A new mole! Not good.. not only is there a slightly raised new mole growing, but there is also three brown freckles (beginning moles?) along with it.

I made an appointment for Wednesday, but with the snow storm we are getting I don't know if I'll be able to make it.. hopefully I can..

My point is that I was feeling sad about the whole situation and went to the bakery and bought an entire cheese danish ring.. and then ate the whole thing.. well, except for the spots that didn't have cheese covering it.. I mean, I AM watching my calories!

After three days of eating so well and exercising, I was feel super guilty for taking 18 steps backwards.. so I put my my running sneakers on and went for a jog.. the cold air was so cold.. I mean seriously I started coughing up a lung and had to walk almost half way home.. and I can run.. I mean I'm no (who's a famous runner I can insert here?).. but I can run for 30 minutes on the treadmill at a 5.. *she takes a bow*

It was sooooooooo cold I tell you my lungs could not deal.. I still feel wheezy and it's been hours..

But I am super proud of myself for not just throwing in the towel and thinking "Well, I already ruined my diet today, so I might as well binge!" Yes, that is my usual train of thought..

Yep, that was my February 8th.. Holy moly.. no way!!! My birthday is March 8th.. yay!! I'll be 31 but I don't care.. I care about presents!!! The green ones!! awww... and my girlfriends are ganna suck it up and take me to Shiki.. they prefer other hibachi restaurants.. but that one is my favorite!!! We're going there next week with another couple.. they have the best ginger sauce.. YUMMERS!!!

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Hibachi Love

I just ate such a yummy dinner with my girlfriends.. We always take one another out for our birthdays and tonight we celebrated Megan's (12/13) and Kim's (2/11).. Megan's dinner just kept getting pushed back for one reason or another.. and actually she cancelled on us one night because her and the kids were sick.. but me and Kim went to her birthday dinner without her.. hehe.. but tonight we went to this hibachi place.. yummers..

I ate more than I wanted to today.. but still within a decent range.. I think.. I am going to get off the computer and do some exercising.. then I'm going to surf the net for a bit and then I'm going to finish my paper for school.. man I really want coffee.. but I'll go to bed and just wait until morning.. because if I have it now.. I'll be up late and cranky in the morning.. BUT let me stop delaying my workout routine.. do it Nicole.. you'll feel SO much gooder.. hehe

The Turning Point

Yesterday my friend and I went to The Turning Point.. oh em gee! It was sooo awesome.. the atmosphere was clean and crisp.. not too over the top trying to be trendy.. the menu was super healthy and pretty reasonable.. I'm in lurve.. we sat up at the bar.. not bar bar.. just the counter bar part.. and there were 3 people sitting around us that were all dining alone. I love when people dine alone.. I admire them.. and honestly, I think I could totally dine alone there too.. it was so yum.. I had this fabulous ginger tea with lemongrass and a whole bunch of other healthy ingredients I've never tried but have wanted to.. and then I had the veggie quesadilla.. did I mention I gave up meat?? I probably did in one of the 50 posts I deleted.. but no more deleting for me.. fer realz.. anywho.. wish I was sitting at the bar now.. ordering something just as yummy.. but considering it's a complete snow storm outside.. I won't.

I've been doing pretty good (well) the past few days.. eating super healthy and exercising! I read a blog that I used to read a long time ago, before I stopped reading blogs because my days were wasted on the computer.. but anywho.. I looked her up again and read something that probably seems minute to her.. but really stuck with me.. she "the barefoot mama" well she changed her blog's title.. but that's the only name I can remember at the moment.. she said she eats the same thing every day for the most part.. and I was like DUH! I've been going at this new healthy eating thing all wrong.

I was spending a lot of time searching for new recipes that called for ingredients I didn't have, some I didn't even know where to purchase.. I tried a few.. we didn't like them.. so now I spent time and money for a crappy dinner no one enjoyed.. it was disheartening.. but I just need to find a few we love and stick to them for the time being.. I can add a new one here or there.. but everyday shouldn't be weird and unknown..

So that's my plan.. make healthy, meat free recipes that I already know my family will love.. I'll try to alter the meat recipes to a nonmeat version and try those as well.. and then maybe once a week I'll try something different.. but I will definitely have a super simple backup plan if it fails.. JUST in case..

Exercise is going to be an absolute everyday must.. nothing extreme.. but definitely going to do some form of toning every day and then twice a week or so I'll go running as well..

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Take Time to Look Cute

I did it again.. it’s been forever.. but I’m not going to dwell on it or get down on myself.. it actually made me think about how I need to start making positive changes in my life.. the thing that is so hard for me is that my life really is pretty great. So I can sit back and do nothing and have it continue to be great.. or I can try and change things up to make it even better.. and when I say better.. I mean better! Better eating habits will give me better health. Being more patient and attentive to my children will make me and them much happier.. exercising will be better for my health, my skin, my mood, and more.. being kinder to Frank will give me a better marriage.. I hate to admit it but its just laziness that is prohibiting all these fabulous things into my life.

You know what I just did, even though its bedtime.. I fixed my hair, put my engagement ring on, and put earring in. And I feel super cute instead of super frumpy. I have got to start getting myself cute everyday.. not even by putting much effort or time into it.. 15 minutes of purely focusing on my looks will without a doubt drastically improve my mood throughout the entire day. So worth it.

I’m a bit doubtful in myself as pathetic as that sounds. Every single night I lay in bed as I am doing right now and preach to myself about how tomorrow is going to be THE DAY that starts my new journey.. but then by the next afternoon I’m feeling like a complete loser for not following through.

I need to have a heart to heart with myself and come up with a plan for when the urge to eat out of boredom attacks.. and I need to get moving! I know we’re expecting another snow storm, but so what! I can bundle up and walk around the corner. Get some fresh air, appreciate the warmth of my house, talk to God on His turf.. enjoy the beautiful nature of snow covering everything.. then come home to hot chocolate.. mmm..